annieology

Every new mom worries that despite the fact that her newborn sleeps 23.5 hours a day that some ill fate will befall her cherub while she takes a quick shower.  By the time she realizes that the little rug rat will be okay, the kid has become mobile, and it’s over for her.

Having five year olds you would think I was past this.  So did I.  But with the milestone of being five, came the privilege of being allowed to play in the front yard, loosely supervised.  As long as you tell Mom, Dad or Sk8r Boi that you are going out, and stay within these limits you can play outside.   If you chose to go play in the yard of your friends across the street, you have to stay outside, and within shouting distance.

They love this new rule.

So do we.

However, having the limited imagination and cunning of an adult, this is how it played out for us.

Tech Support was away for the weekend at a disc golf tournament.  We were three weeks into a plague wherein someone in the house had puked at some point during every one of those days.  Nothing cures the pukies like 7-Up so for a while we had said that they could also get a 7-Up if they were feeling sickly under yet another set of rules.

It was Sunday morning.  Tech Support was gone, we were headed to our fractal group for church, I kind of wanted to shower.  So, I did.  Of course all mom’s know that once the water starts so does the banging on the door and the questions.

Knock.  Knock. Knock.

“Mom, something, something, blah blah blah.”

I CAN’T HEAR YOU I’M IN THE SHOWER, I’ll be out in five minutes.  OKAY?

“Blah blah blah mumble mumble OKAY!”

So, I wrapped things up and when I got out of my room, couldn’t find the boys.   Hmmmm?  The front door was wide open.  Okay so they went outside.

Now, remember, I shower first in this house, so we have two unwashed five year old boys.  Boys who had picked out their own clothing for the morning.  Boog in pants that were about two sizes too big and Felpsy in pants that were two sizes too small.  Boog was walking on his pant legs, and Felpsy was sporting some capris.  They were marching up and down the sidewalk singing songs.  Each boy had a can of 7-Up and were guzzling it as fast as they could between verses because they knew they would be confiscated upon discovery.

Tech Support wanted me to remind you and the neighbors that he was out of town.

Is that how that song goes?  I am not old enough to remember.

Maybe it was Sunday….people don’t sing good songs about Monday generally.

Anyway,

My Monday was GOOD.

First tweet of the morning.  Was in re my live tweeting of the Oscars, boring snoozefest that it was.

@annieology you have made me laugh so hard tonight!! Thank you.

Better  than any alarm clock ever.  So, if you all could follow me and send me lovely mentions while I sleep, that would be awesome.

Then I got a surprise in the mail, and by surprise I mean I was expecting it.  I picked it out and provided an address.  What I wasn’t expecting was it to be signed by the fabu artist, to ME.  I will totally dedicate a whole blog to the deal because it’s already linkin park in here.

The next celebration of my awesomeness come via Homegirl who has recently begun her quest to overtake the world gave me a couple of awards,

I was SOOOO excited.  Because as I mentioned….last night?  The Oscars.  They kept teasing us at commercial breaks….”Will there be a surprise in the ……. category.  Stay tuned to find out.”  So, I stayed tuned just in case I won something because how awesome would it be for the Best Director category going to a woman for the first time? Finally.   OK so that dream died for me last night.

(The rules state that I must list 10 things that make me happy and then give the award to ten people who make me happy.  It says nothing about not giving my Oscar ready speech first)

Well, first I would like to thank, oh wow, I wasn’t expecting this.  I’d like to thank Susan B. Anthony for being an outspoken woman in a day and time when, at the very least, it could have gotten her slapped.  Hang on while I punch this Kanye wannabe red head woman in the face, HELLO? my speech.  What, you’re playing me off already?  I’dliketothankGodandmanandonemaninparticular……

Now 10 things that make me happy.

1. Being in love, still.
2. Coca-cola
3. Lucky Brand Jeans
4. Thinking of deer attack youtube videos at inappropriate times.
5. All of my kids, here or elsewhere
6. My quilt
7. Vacations
8. 92 degree weather
9. Chocolate
10. Vegas baby
    

and 10 people who make me happy.

1. The people who make Uggs. (cheating?  A bit, yeah.)
2. One of my favorite social workers
3. Tara
4. Sadie
5. Tech Support (but I swear if you hit him up more than me it could cause problems)
6. My housekeeper
7. Corey
8. Katie
   
9. Becca ***DO NOT forget that beginning this weekend she begins hosting Unbloggable moments where you can anonymously or not post stories you cannot post on your own blog because the person you REALLY want to blog about is a reader.  Should be hilarious.
   
10. Sk8r Boi, my sixteen year old son who either has us completely snowed or is indeed a gem.
    

Alrighty then.  Today was great, and next year I will be the surprise winner at the Oscars.

Not to make light of mental disorders, but I have one.  For whatever reason I cannot take a compliment without reading into it.  For example, if you were to say “Annie, you look nice today.”  I would HEAR the unsaid parts of that which are “as opposed to every other day when you look like crap.”  That is only an example because as you all know I am Tech Support’s shmokin hot wife and always appear accordingly. (cough)

Am I the only one with this problem?

I went back to the old church this weekend to attend a women’s conference.  It was great to see all my old friends, all 2300 of them.  It being a women’s conference they had many “resources” available for purchase.  One item, and I kid you not, was this….

I predicted the Jesus thong. (p.s. the picture is a link)

Now, before you write the Pope it was a WOMEN’S conference.  Now, as you may know women are in church in greater numbers than men.  Women want their men in church.  Go home from church wearing that and they will come.  (Yes, I did and unfortunately I was not the first, although probably the first to claim it.)

All that to say

one of the things that caught my eye walking through the vendor area was a table full of Marcus Buckingham books.  So, I stopped to chat up the Life Coach there.  A three minute conversation has convinced me that I need a Life Coach.  Again, part of my mental disorder.  I can rarely convince anyone to do any thing in any amount of time and in three minutes she can convince me that she can get my life on track.  Which makes me wonder why she thinks my life isn’t on track, other than I am obsessed with Marcus Buckingham books and considering buying thongs at church in order to tweet about my “church thong”?  Is it that obvious?

So, I spent Thursday and Friday with about 1000 of my closest friends, then on Saturday we went on our weekend getaway, where good things were said about me during the “things I’m thankful for” game we played in order to right our wrong moods.  Sunday we spent at our new church and love love love.

Why then, was I in such a bad mood all weekend?  Me thinks someone is trying to steal my joy.  I decided to play the “things I’m thankful for” game anytime I feel my mood try to tell me that I don’t have a million reasons for joy.  Why can’t I take a compliment?  Why can’t I be joyful?  I think I have let my mind spend too much time on non-joyful things.  I  must guard against that in the future.  I must guard my mind against that which would steal my joy  as I have learned to guard my heart against relationships that are not beneficial.

And if that doesn’t work?  I got the name of a good Life Coach.