annieology

Yes, I’m in bed.  I’m drinking a Coke, but I’m in bed.  It’s some sort of end of the world scenario.  But God help me, I’m tired.  Proving once again, physics is correct.  Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion, bodies at rest can hardly stay awake past 9:00 p.m.

I just went over last months stats, and depending on who you believe I had somewhere between 2,259 and 138,000 hits last month.  It’s probably closer to the middle of those two numbers but wow.  Either way.  Who are you people?  Delurk already.  Or at least become a fan on Facebook.  Don’t worry, I won’t be able to see pictures of your cat holding a bong and report you to anyone.  You’ll just get my fascinating insights in your newsfeed.  Then next month I can have less hits, but more fans.

I’ve become a stat addict.  How do I get more hits, more often, you know, without paying people.  How?  I’ve come up with two solutions.  The first involves Elvis, but we’ll touch on that later.  The second?  I’ve decided to get into a fight with Perez Hilton.  (If I can get Hubby to unblock his site – apparently it has adult content.)  Whatever.

I’m going to call him a ho.

and he’s going to be like,

“Oh no you didn’t.”

and I’m going to be like “uh huh I did.”

But really we’re going to be frenemies and he’s going to come to my house on Thanksgiving and everyone is going to ask how we met, and he’s going to say “she called me a ho” and everyone is going to gasp and we’ll all have a good laugh.

Now, Elvis.

Long ago I met my sister soul.  Sadie.  We share one brain, which is inconvenient because sometimes I need it and she has it, but we haven’t seen each other in years, and yet we’ve been able to pick up right about where we left off.  The only problem is, that I cannot stand the phone and it’s awkward silence whenever I’m on it.  So, we chat and it’s fun and we decided to go to Vegas.

As I shared in the previous paragraph, we share one brain and our one brain has always wanted to get married in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator.  Unfortunately, we both married sensible men who dismiss this idea for whatever sensible reason.

So, Sadie and I are going to Vegas and getting married by an Elvis impersonator.

This is to balance out the hate from the left with some hate from the right.  Yes, two women getting fake married in Vegas by Elvis does, no doubt, diminish “real” marriage.  But how much does the absence of a man and the additional woman add to what has already been diminished in that scenario?  I’m hoping Dr. Dobson points it out for me.  I’ll be an icon like Spongebob and his ambiguous relationship with Patrick.   Seriously Jim, people are not going to Hell because Spongebob and Patrick have sleepovers, or because of that Purple Teletubby.  People do not want to know your Jesus.  When you’re being dragged naked through the streets by an angry mob, you want to meet the real Jesus who has compassion on you and turns the crowd away.  I think a lot of you tv Jesus people miss that point.

But either of those scenarios are likely to drive my hits into the stratosphere.

Perez’s site is still blocked.  Somebody go call him a “ho” and make sure you tell him I said so.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm and is filed under Kindle, Me being Awesome, annieology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.