annieology

‘Tis the season.  I love getting/giving gifts.  As long as I am inspired, I can come up with some pretty awesome gifts.  Otherwise, you ain’t getting one.  Sorry, I don’t like you enough to worry about it for weeks on end.  Yes, this is why my kids and Tech Support are often gifted with portraits of our founding fathers.  They particularly like the one of Benjamin Franklin, or as we used to call him at work on bonus day, “Big Ben”.

So, with Christmas approaching, I the ever helpful Annie, will interpret your gifts.

If you give a small child any of the following:

• Silly Putty
• Silly String
• Glub, Slime, any thing gelatinous that is not edible
• Non washable markers or crayons
• Books with sound effects
• Anything that needs button batteries
• Anything that needs batteries at all
• Scissors
• Matches

This is a clear indicator that you don’t have kids.  It is also indicative of the fact that you hate that kid’s parents.  Because now the parent has to go in and confiscate the gift.  And you will always be the cool person that got them Glub in 2009 and I (I mean they) will be paying for therapy.  Thank you.

While we are here, I feel I must confess.  As you all know I am a foster parent.  And many of you like to get gifts for “those less fortunate” at Christmas time.  I am very grateful for all the gifts we have received over the years, don’t get me wrong.

But

and it’s a big

BUT

Please consider your gifts carefully.  Also, and this is for the agency.  Most foster parents also have bio or adopted kids, don’t show up with 20 thing for the “foster” kids and nothing for the others.

Let’s look at the dynamics of a foster home.   Most of the homes I know are filled to capacity.  Six to ten kids depending on the size of the home.  Now, let’s imagine eight kids each getting a 250 piece Lego tub.  Or maybe they all get fire trucks with “real” sounds.

It’s hell!

But I’m  grateful.  If you notice me in the return line at Walmart,  I’m totally taking them back.  Yes, that’s right.  I take the gifts that the community gets my foster kids and I return them, for soft toys that make no noise and contain one piece that needs neither batteries or assistance for them to play with.  I also buys something for the “real” kids, and any money that remains goes to either movies, Wii games or socks.

It’s ok to judge me, just remember to bring back my really nice shoes after you’ve walked a mile in them.

If you were to give gifts like the worst gift ever?   It would clearly indicate that you never wanted to sleep with me, ever again.

Tech Support would really like to be a romantic gesture gift giver.  If I would let him.  Our first Valentines day together he got me fireworks.  Ahhhhh.  I know.  And I totally had already slept with him.   My first birthday?  He got me the dog I really wanted, that totally blew up in my face and has haunted me for over a decade.  He’s also done very nice things over the years, but the stress of worrying if I’m going to like it or not got to him eventually, and now he shops from a well defined list.  I’m kind of a bitch when my expectations aren’t met, and yes, totally my problem and I need to be a better person, blah blah blah.   I’m getting better, although it will probably be a long time before he attempts to get me something off script again.

So, really that says more about me than it says about him.

Where was I?

I don’t remember.

What gifts do you like to give?

or get?

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 21st, 2009 at 10:43 pm and is filed under Me being Awesome. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.