I Will Go To Jail Before This Goes Into a Gov’ment File
Tech Support and I are “supposed to” fill out a questionnaire for foster care. This is to help them better determine how we would deal with certain issues that might come up in our potential foster children.
Hail no is what I say to this.
I wish I were kidding.
You might want to stop eating, drinking and find a poker to gouge out your eyes.
“In your family of origin, what was the family message regarding sex?
What were the advantages/disadvantages of being male or female?
What were your early childhood sexual experiences? (masturbation, sources of sex education, childhood exploration, abuse)
Tell us about your past sexual abuse.
What were your adolescent (12-18) sexual experiences?
What were your sexual experiences as a young adult? (variety of expression, masturbation, sexual orientation, etc)”
Now we move on to an exercise. The following we’ll give you a sexual topic. Tell us what your mother said, and whether or not you agree. Also tell us what your father said and whether you agree or disagree.
The topics are…
Masturbation
Contraception
Sexual Intercourse
Children and Sex
Homosexuality
Extramarital Sexual Relations (AND) was your mother and father’s behavior about extramarital sex the same as she (there is no he) taught you it should be? **Me thinks someone has an issue.
THIS WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE FILLED OUT AND PUT INTO MY FILE
I don’t care. Take my license. Close my home. Hail NO!
There is still such a thing as boundaries, isn’t there? I already have it in my file that Tech Support and I are satisfied with the amount and frequency of sex. Because they have to ask to weed out any sexually frustrated creeps that might want to rape children. Of course, if you like to rape children, I think telling lies about how often you have sex with your wife and whether or not you find it enjoyable, isn’t that big of a stretch, but whatever.
And if that isn’t enough. It is now policy that we have to have an “Individual touch contract” on file within 24 hours of placement. WOW, is all I have to say about that. Let’s roll play a bit, shall we?
You are a twelve year old girl. You have been repeatedly raped by men in your family and strangers. You are sitting in math one day, when you are called out of class and told that you will not be going home, but these people will be taking you to a foster home where even more strangers are waiting to take over your care and feeding. You will not be returning to your home, this school, or any aspect of your life “for your own safety”. Trauma, trauma, trauma.
Then to top it off, Tech Support and I have to sit down and talk to you about who can touch you, how why, what is appropriate, what is not. Now, you don’t know Tech Support personally, but grown men have described him as intimidating. Friends of ours have admitted to being frightened by him, first impression wise. And now he has to explain to a traumatized little girl, how she is allowed to touch him, and how he is allowed to touch her.
Get out the Clonidine, we’re going to need some.
OK I get that foster parents need to be warned about sexually traumatized kids. For their safety as well as the safety of other children in the home. Discussing what my father told me about masturbation is not something you need to keep in your file. If I have issues with my own sexual development, I can address that. In counseling. With a counselor that you don’t know exists. I have already volunteered to give up a huge chunk of my privacy so that YOU can have a safe place to put children. This does not cause me to forfeit all of it.
It aggravates me that THIS is what you are spending your time and energy on. Not, finding suitable permanent homes for children, but making sure that I don’t have unresolved issues regarding my parents possible extramarital affairs. Sure, I realize that I have learned a lot. Had my eyes opened in ways that I probably wouldn’t have chosen to have them opened, but instead of this, could you possibly, maybe get my home-study updated?
If I get out of this without a drinking problem, it is only by the grace of God Almighty.
December 6th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Wow lovey. Thanks for continuing to remind me all of the reasons that I never even KNEW why I did international adoption instead of foster adopt.
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December 6th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
O.M.G.–i do not blame you for not filling this out..i would not either
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December 6th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I wouldn’t fill out the forms either! Very bizarre that they ask all these questions of you. You deserve a vanilla Coke after that trauma!
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December 6th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I wouldn’t do it either. Knowing how unreliable social workers are, this “confidential” document could come back to bite you when you least expect it! And we all know that child molesters are always honest when they fill out paperwork too, so obviously these questions are going to weed them right out!
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December 6th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
OMG I am sooo glad I live in my state in New England….Our foster Care system is archaeic – but at least they have some boundaries.
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December 7th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
SOMEbody has job permanency issues. Clearly someone needed to prove there was a reason for their job. I am so offended my eyeballs are crossing just thinking about it.
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December 9th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Are you kidding me?!!??!?! I really hope they don’t hold that against you or anybody wanting to foster children. My husband and I are discussing fostering and adoption, but I’m not sure I want that information in my file either…
Really hope you don’t end up with a drinking problem! lol .
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