annieology

Even though, apparently, I am the only woman on the planet who did not get the Pioneer Woman cookbook for Christmas.  (Don’t get me one – just saying)  I do not want more stuff that I will never use.  Bring your copy over to my house and I will cook something, then you can take it home.  I don’t even let the Schwan man leave his catalogs.

Anyway.

I’m going to a conference next weekend.  They sent me a test, I’m a Pioneer.

I like to explore.

Could be mistaken for a dilettante.  (Which I believe is an SAT word for flaky.)

I have always imagined myself as a horrible pioneer.  I guess my thinking was too narrow.  When I think “pioneer” I think covered wagons, prairie skirts and a dearth of take out and caffeine.

No, it’s to “boldly go where no man has gone before” 2009 version of course.  Although I didn’t watch that Star Trek either.  But imagine it to be much cooler than the 60s version.

I like that kind of pioneer.

Again, not the Star Trek.

The adventurer.

I’m totally that.

Although a month ago I found a mouse in the trash in the garage, still alive.  I screamed like a little girl, and ran like a gay man.  So, I don’t know how that equates.

I do know I cannot function without Coca-Cola (mwah, wink).  I have recently become addicted to Vitamin Water, also owned by Coca-Cola, and by owned I mean BOUGHT for $4.2 BILLION.  Anyway, I’ve been downing those like crazy, and Coke was seeming heavy so I would just replace with a VW.  That worked as long as I sprinkled my day with one or two.  Yesterday, I forgot to have any Coke until dinner time.

I did not get out of bed until 10 this morning.  And by did not, I mean could not.  Oh. My. Hell.

Do not try that at home.

I do want to disclaim that Vitamin Water is not water with vitamins and many a lawsuit would indicate that many really, stupid, illiterate people would think.  Read the label people.  The federally mandated label.  Seriously, if you are going to ask the gov’ment to take care of you, you need to do your part.  Vitamin Water has calories, that’s what makes it taste so good.

Don’t believe me?

Rice cakes?  Negative 30 calories.  Taste like dirt.  Rice cakes with a tub of frosting? So delish.  Even better if you forget the rice cakes.

Or a Pioneer Woman cinnamon roll?  I hear they are delish and only require 47 sticks of butter.  Well, maybe that’s Cinnabon.  Anyway.  Calories are delish.

I think this evening I will watch Super Nanny and The Dog Whisperer at the same time, and see if that works on the kids.  It’s cold here and I sense a long weekend.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 8th, 2010 at 8:03 pm and is filed under Me being Awesome. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.