Unsure of proper protocol on how to care for shivering small children, and not having the time or inclination to read the minimum standards.  I took it upon myself to turn on the heat.  Having not done so for almost a year now, some dust may have collected  on the heating elements and shortly after getting snuggled back into my Tempurpedic snuggly spot was jolted awake by half a dozen smoke detectors going off.  And so were the kids.  Tech Support, my beloved but deaf husband, did not hear the smoke detectors and I had to explain (yell at him) as to why everyone was screaming and standing in our bedroom.

So, out come the sleeping mats.  But Monday is a housekeeper day and I don’t know what that woman has against leaving things out and in a pile, I had to go and search for the sleeping mats.  And blankets.  All while listening to the smoke detectors cycle on and off periodically with the furnace.  While searching for blankets that were also put away, (sheesh) I decided that next time I will proceed directly to blankets and cut out the smoking, screaming, yelling and searching.

When 6:50 rolled around, I was a little sleepy.  But I have ordered the blue light morning wake up alarm clock that is purported to cure winter blahs, and hoping that it does.  We had a sunrise simulating alarm clock when we lived closer to Canada, it is the only reason I remained employed as long as I did.  Hoping the “new” technology of blueness proves to be as beneficial.  Also, it’s a travel alarm so it will be going on our trip north.

I made boiled eggs for breakfast, because the many small children think that makes me the coolest parent ever. They have lead a deprived life.  They like holding the eggs without a shell.   When I was a child I lived on a ranch that had chickens, occasionally they would lay one with a membrane but not a shell.  We loved those.

Needing my morning Coke, I was happy to see that I had been left one ice cube.  Yes, we have like six trays, and everyone is all in denial about filling them back up.  Another example where my pretty does not mean useful is the freezer without the icemaker.  But I thought it was thoughtful of whomever to leave me one cube.

OH gosh, I was going to lead with this, which is why I’m in need of medication.  No focus whatsoever.

AJ reviewed my blog, nice to get some fresh eyes telling me what they think.  She and her buds are at Blog Brew Review she indicated that she would like to follow me but I didn’t offer that type of commitment.  I will try to make those features more obvious.  But for those of you who like links.  Follow me on Twitter also be a fan on Facebook if you want to follow me on Blogger you can go to your dashboard on the very bottom under your “blogs I’m following” there is an “Add” button.  Click the “Add” button and copy and paste this little bit into that spot. ***** http://annieology.com  ******  boom, you are now following.  This also works with the Google reader.  Up there on the top of my blog underneath the sliding door picture thingies there is a button that says “this is cool stuff” click on that there bad boy and it will add me to your reader.  But again, I will try to be more obvious, and HOPE that AJ comes back.

Anyway, AJ is interested in giving me coffee at 2 a.m. just to see what I come up with.  Oh my she is brave.

So, I got some knee high socks today, because they are all the rage.  I know I’m not sixteen, but still it’s not like I’m wearing jeans with a dress, or am I?  Somebody tell me if close to 40 is too old for knee high socks.  My four year olds think they are so pretty.

Tech Support just texted me that Macs are spectacular.  This is like him announcing he is gay or something.  He is a total Linux snob and I whatever….I won’t get into it.  It’s best to avoid problems before I start them. Although I would like to reiterate that my husband is not now nor ever has been gay.  But the Mac revelation was shocking.

Also today, I went to buy boots for those of us who don’t have snow boots.  That would be all of us.  Turns out the stores in the Tropics don’t carry a large variety of snow boots.  Who knew?

The many small children are about to kill each other, so I should put them to bed.

I am ordering Tshirts that will be ready between Turkey Day and Christmas.  If you have a specific size need speak now or take your chances.  Leave me a comment.  They are $15 plus $5 ish for shipping and handling.  I won’t charge you until they are in stock, but like I said, take this opportunity to pick your size and color.   You can get just about any color you want, my personal favorite is currently the camo.  But I have one in every color.  Most of the people, except Rachel, who have a shirt have posted them on Facebook be a fan and see them all.  Oh wait, Tech Support hasn’t posted his pic either.  Those closest to you….

Have a great day!

While we are on the subject of air travel.  Don’t try to push your way past me in security because your flight leaves in “five minutes” and you have to stop by immigration.  You aren’t going to make it.

I have convinced several of the many small children that parents are not allowed to buy toys between now and Christmas because we don’t know what Santa has picked out for them.  Judge me for lying to them, but if I don’t lie to them then Santa doesn’t exist in the first place.

I think we are over Santa.

Let’s talk Santa v. God

We know Santa does not exist.  We made him up.  Now, I believe God exists, but cannot prove it.

Why is it ok for me to tell my kids that Santa exists when I can prove he doesn’t, but not ok for me to tell them that God exists when I cannot prove it?

I never have understood that.  When Dagan was little I had this very fight with my boyfriend who was really into the whole Santa thing.  He didn’t believe in God and thought it was cruel that I would withhold the fantasy of Santa from my daughter.  Yet he never did understand why I wouldn’t want to introduce the possibility of God to her.

I am having one of those days when I am hungry.  Doesn’t matter what I eat I feel hungry.  Hungry and full.  Does that every happen to you?  I think it is strange.

I found a pair of leggings last week that cost $540 – I’m not kidding.  $540 for leggings.  Wondering if they can turn you into a six foot leggy blonde.  For that price, they’d better.

Yesterday morning I woke up and had over 1,000 hits and it wasn’t even 9 o’clock.  It turned out to be the best day ever.  And it had been nearly a week since I wrote a post.  I guess I should wear annieology shirts to conventions and airports more often.

The natives are getting restless, so I guess I should do something about that.

I don’t think that makes me a bad person.  Except that judgement kills.

I need to remember that.

Don’t believe me?   Here’s a little experiment that will surely get friends (the undesirable people) who are in your life, out of your life.  Start judging their use of time or money and or social skills or weight or what dog they own. Or just make something up.   I bet so and so doesn’t use their time wisely, and they buy stupid stuff and not just the dog but the sweater the dog is wearing.  Who spends money on such crap?  Besides like a million people who like to dress their dogs, but I can’t believe she dresses up her dog.  Can you?

Soon you will spend less time with that person because their sweater wearing dog annoys you too much, you just can’t handle being around them to the point you avoid them until they are no longer in your life.

See how well that worked.  Completely killed a friendship.

This works well with potential friends.  Although it’s more about how they wear their hair, or what they drive,  or how they smell or that their wardrobe is circa 1973.

Yep, killed a potential friendship.

Now, let’s try this in your marriage.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have a say in how the money is spent and that the other party can go out and buy a cow because they all of a sudden think that growing your own food would be cool.  No, things like that need to be discussed.

Tech Support and I get an allowance, usually the same amount, sometimes not, but we agree on it ahead of time.  He can spend his money on anything he chooses as long as it not illegal or immoral.  I get to do the same.   While I don’t understand why a frisbee costs more than $2.00 and he cannot understand why I would pay somebody to paint my toes, neither of us has to justify it to the other.  But let’s say that I decided all of a sudden to question his Frisbee purchases.

“Why on earth do you need more than one Frisbee?”

“Do you know how much money you’ve spent on Frisbees?”

“You love your Frisbees more than me.”

Marriage killer.

so….

Dear Poodle Lady,

I apologize for thinking you were stupid because you owned not one but two poodles.  It is apparent that they are cherished members of your family and much better cared for than my own dog.  The kind of love and devotion you have for your dogs is foreign to me and I feel bad that I wish mine would hurry up and die.

Sincerely,

Annie
(The lady driving the Chevy Aveo and rolling her eyes)

“Hi Annie, how are you?”

“Fine thanks, and you?”

Although I wasn’t fine.  It was a big fat lie.  My eyeballs are on fire and I can’t breathe.  She didn’t want to hear that, just exchanging pleasantries. Although open ended questions as a greeting, doesn’t seem right to me.

To make my day a little more miserable, I kept being reminded that Dr. Oz was right and that really pisses me off.

He ordered everyone to have 30 days worth of food on hand in case yo u get sick, that way you don’t have to go to the store when you are sick.  Good advice.  Dammit.

So, I wandered into Target because I didn’t want to go to the  monstrosity that is the Super Duper Grocery store.  I figured that Target would have jelly and paper towels in their “market”  I mean jelly, how hard is that?  I need some for the PB & J that will surely be tonight’s dinner.  Also needed plates and napkins for a class party and figured while I was there I would stock up on cold and flu remedies because I don’t want to have to explain to Tech Support or Big Boy what works for me and what makes me puff up like a marshmallow.

But Target didn’t have jelly.  Seriously?  Peanut butter, bread, why can’t you have jell?   Even a crappy kind would suffice, seriously how will you ever compete with that Mart if you can’t even stick five jars of jelly on your shelf.

Jelly dilemma threw me off. Not on the list, but I’m always looking for hairbands.   Hairbands and pens, I’ve lost at least five years worth of life looking for hairbands and pens.

At check out someone was paying by check.  Although when they realized it would be run immediately was trying to get some 17 year old minimum wager to promise them it wouldn’t debit their account immediately.

A.  It’s 2009 WE DON’T WRITE CHECKS ANYMORE PEOPLE

B.  It’s 2009 WE DON’T FLOAT CHECKS ANYMORE PEOPLE

So, I had to change lines, in order to keep me free from felonies.  The cashier in lane number 8 liked her job a little too much.

“Did you find everything OK?”

No, no I didn’t why can’t you carry jelly?  You have everything to make a perfect sack lunch but the jelly.  Why?   Why?  Now I have to go to the Mart or the Monster.  I hate both.  I’m sick, and I just want to go home and put my head in the freezer.

“Yes, thank you.”

Another lie.  She handed me my change and about 15 coupons that printed out as a result of my hairband/festive plate and napkin purchase.

One of the coupons was for paper towels. Dang, forgot those.  But thanks.

So, off to the Super Duper Market.  My best time in and out is 18 minutes and I had to pick up the littles in 15, I could totally make it if I stayed focused.  Wouldn’t you know they have rearranged the store a bit since my last jelly purchase.  AAAAND the jelly I was looking for was not readily visible.  It was on the bottom shelf.  What do you people have against the fine company at Welch’s?  Not only that but Yay, it was on sale.  But boo, they were mostly gone.  There were three left.  All clinging to the back wall.  On the bottom shelf.  And I’m wearing a skirt.  A short one.  And oooooh the grocery store floor.  So, on my hands and knees getting me some jelly so I can avoid cooking later, and realized that the floor was about 20 degrees cooler than the air, I just wanted to press my face into its coolness and take a nap.  But that’s not focus.  So, I grabbed my jelly and my dignity and ran to the front of the store.  Luckily there were no morons trying to figure out the complex self checkout and I was able to scan my jelly/papertowels/cookies/and misc other sugar laden carbs, and get out rather quickly.

Only two minutes late picking up the littles, and I was the first mom their today.  The teacher asked if so and so had caught me this morning, something about everybody grabbing lunch together.  So, I incorrectly figured that everyone else was having a super time at a lunch that I wasn’t invited to.

Luckily, this is a mom more organized than I.  Lunch on Thursday.  Otherwise….

Speaking of this morning, spent two hours at the eye dr for my five month post LASIK checkup.  Need to tweak the left eye.  And the chart they use?  Left eye is on the right side of the paper.  Wouldn’t it make sense to have the left eye on the left side of the paper?  Maybe that would make sense if they put the paper behind my head and worked on me from the front, but I  put my head in their lap…..  I will be wearing a pirate patch that day, just in case.  As I left they said,

“see you Friday”.  No, can’t sorry, girls weekend, you’ll have to wait til January.

They are nothing if not efficient there at that place.

Anyway, I made it home with the littles.  Having many social engagements, one being lunch, and two being a girls weekend, I need to feel better.  Soon.  So, Tech Support assured me that any heavy equipment operating could be done by him and I chugged me some Nyquil.  Which accounts for this post.

Enjoy it until I am sober and coherent and take it down.

This month she wanted to know my thoughts on “swearing in front of the kids” if you want to know her thoughts on this subject, I’ll link to her at the end.  Don’t want you ADDers running off and forgetting about me.

Now, I could lie and tell you I don’t have a filter, but I do.  In public.  I tend not to swear when I’m talking to teachers and preachers and people who for whatever reason I still feel the need to not be genuine around.  But friends and family?

I swear.

But I’m not a total potty mouth.

I say dammit a lot.  Which is why Boog tends to say dammit a lot.  If the kids are playing video games and swear, I don’t stop them.  Now if they start really swearing I make them stop playing.  I’m less concerned about the words coming out of their mouths than I am about the level of frustration they aren’t dealing with.   I make them take a break and calm down.

I have never been a person to say “fudge” or “ding dang” or some other silly word.  Who do we think we are kidding when we say “frickin” instead of the other word?

Tech Support and I have also told the kids that there are some people out there who don’t like those words.  Teachers may not appreciate that part of your vocabulary and if someone tells you they don’t appreciate that kind of language, you shouldn’t use it.

Ideally, I would like to be someone who is genuine all the time.  Knowing that there are those around me in this world who prefer I not to swear, I would prefer to not swear so I can be authentic at all times, but that’s not where I am right now.  I swear, because that’s genuine for me right now.

I don’t think that kids need to be exposed to all things going on in my life.  There are things that are not appropriate, and maybe swearing is one of them.  But I also think it’s important for them to see that I am not a perfect person.  I want them to know I get mad, and frustrated and I fight with their dad, (rarely, but we do) and also that I’m happy and in control and love their dad.  It’s a whole big picture.

I don’t know, I might be wrong, and my kids might end up in jail because of it. Let’s go see if me did  it any better with her kid, shall we.

I’m over it.

I’m moving.  As soon as the kids get out of school.  CPS is going to have to get their act together, because I am so out the door.  My heart is hardened towards this town.  I want out.

And you all have given me sooooo many good choices to choose from.  I have a list, but it needs shortened a bit.

So, I promise, next week there will be a brilliant post and you all can see if I’m thinking of moving in next to you.  That should give you enough time to find a new place to live, should you need to.

Now, I consider myself a trendsetter, and I’m sure y’all are going to run out and get one of these things immediately upon my recommendation.  I expect to see them EVERYWHERE tomorrow.  Which is good, because I would hate for this company to go out of business.  But Annie got herself an ipod.

I KNOW!

Give me a break.  It was purple I had to.  It’s the law of the universe.

How do you not know this by now?

So, I got the ipod cranked and between songs I can hear those stupid dogs, but then Bitch comes on and I’m back in my happy place.

I don’t even know if the kids are fighting right now.

Well, unless they have passed out they are fighting.

Speaking of which we almost had an incident tonight.

Daddy Awesome left the car running in the garage.  Yes, it was only two minutes but he totally walked away from the car while it was running in a closed garage.

Point taken.

But he’s stuck with me.  He can’t divorce me, neither of us want custody of CPS.

hihi

Do you remember moon boots?  I think we are all going to be wearing moon boots.  Which is OK.  They are $20 and we are only going to need them for four days, but we are going to look like dorks.  Which is fine.  It will give the children something to go to therapy for, because God knows I have done nothing to ruin their psyche’s.  Then they can get kicked out of therapy like I do.

“When we were kids, our parents took us on a ski vacation for a week, and we had to wear moon boots.”

Yeah, you got problems kids.

I think, despite warnings otherwise, Dagan has told Big Boy of our plans because they were talking on the phone and the next thing I know he’s showing me what winter coats he might want.  It’s 90 out, you don’t need a coat.  Especially a $189 one.

A little white lie is OK if it preserves what’s left of my sanity, right?

Although the 16 year old boy may be permanently scarred from wearing moon boots.  Taking into account the 16 year old girl issue.  I should just suck it up and be the cool parent.  Because hooking him up is what I live for.  If I play my cards right, I can still be a grandparent before I’m 40.  Yeah, he’s so getting moon boots.

I had to discuss our plans with Dagan, because she is leaving from College Town.  She needs to come properly dressed and outfitted on her own.  Please feel free to yell at me for making my adult daughter purchase her own ski pants and moon boots, I know I should get her everything since I am making her go on a ski vacation with us.  I’m mean like that.

The PTA lady is trying to steal my husband.  We attended a PTA meeting last night and it was all Mr. Awesome this and Mr. Awesome that.  I can take her so I’m not really worried.  This is what happens when you step out and help.  Keep that in mind.

Daddy Awesome directs traffic at school every morning.  Reminding people they can’t park in the loading zone, or do U-turns in the cross walk.  Or drive on the side walk.  All the stupid things people do when they don’t leave on time.  This morning Felpsy woke up and had blood all over having had a bloody nose last night, so our morning routine included a bonus shower.  He usually goes with Daddy but this morning I drove him.  On the mornings that I drive Daddy Awesome volunteers in the “horse shoe” where I drop Felpsy off.  So we can utilize the 45 seconds it takes Felpsy to get out of the car to make out.  True story.  Except not.  He sticks his head in and says “hi” to the twins, then kisses me.  This has definitely changed my relationship with the other crossing guards, increased volunteering in the horse shoe area, and almost none of them yell at me anymore for driving on the sidewalk.

Have a blessed day.  The tshirt czar is apparently in possession of the last batch of tshirts.  One of these days we’ll be ahead of the curve.  Of course this is just another one of my “problems”.  To review I’m being paid to parent.  I have to wear moon boots on elaborate ski vacations.  I can’t keep up with your demand for tshirts.

Who wants to kick me in the shins?

I learned that the first person to survive going over the falls in a barrel was none other than an Annie.

Not only did she do something no man had ever done, she looked sharp doing it.  Now I doubt that this is the dress she wore, but come on….stunning.

We share more than a name.  After her daring stunt she was reported to have said that she would rather stand in front of a cannon and let it blow her to pieces than go over the falls again.  Which is how I feel about foster care.

I used to liken foster care to Chinese Water Torture, and if you saw the Myth Busters episode on water torture you know how quickly in can stress out people, even in a controlled environment.  Now, I’m adding Chinese Water Torture, while simultaneously being eaten by 42 fire ants.  It’s stressful.  It’s annoying.  It hurts.  But it doesn’t kill you.

As if four years and seven months hasn’t been long enough, we were given a window of four to eight additional months.  CPS can complete an adoption in “about four months” but “with Christmas coming…” because as you all know, Christmas is four months long.  Then it’s spring break, and Easter, and then Arbor Day, and “Talk Like a Pirate Day” and before you know it, Christmas is coming again.

Yes, I am with agency that is supposed to help.  Haven’t seen them since May.  They are still raking in the per diem and siphoning off a chunk before forwarding it to me, but I haven’t seen them.  I get annoyed at them asking me how the case is going.

CPS is useless.  Mama signed her rights over to us.  The Department retained their rights they were granted in 2006.  All CPS has to do is sign a waiver of their rights to the children and we’re done.  But they want it “done right”.  Yes, let’s ignore the law for 4.5 years and then in the final hour grow a freakin sense of ethics.

We should totally hire an attorney to help us with this.  Yes, we have and the only thing she has done is cash our checks and add another level of stress to our lives.  We hired this particular attorney because she was willing to travel to the jurisdiction where our case is heard.  Several other attorney’s declined to do so.  So, until we find another attorney willing to take our case we are either stuck with no or poor representation.

I will save you the platitudes about how foster care is a beautiful thing.  How it gave me my family.  How it changed me as a person.  Right now it’s driving me insane.

One.

Drip.

At.

A.

Time.

While simultaneously eating away at my very being.

I hate the time change.

For that and there is always a clock that gets left out, and you spend way too much time wondering if it is really that time, before deciding to go check another clock only to get distracted by something shiny or whiny and another day passes and it never gets changed.

That and

are you supposed to change your smoke detector batteries on fall back or spring forward?  I forget so I do it on both, yet the time between fall and spring has gotten significantly shorter so it seems a waste, but if I don’t do it both I will never do it.

Speaking of which, I think it’s time for a fire inspection.

Which means it’s time for a health inspection, which means I have to buy outlet covers, yes my kids are beyond the need for outlet covers, but golly, they cannot be taught not to touch them.  As we know kids cannot override those tricky outlet covers.   Once again gov’ment knows best.

Speaking of which, I heard today on the radio, which is a reliable source of news, that California is dealing with their illegal immigrant problem by busing their “detainees” to Texas to a town of 4200.  Every day they bring 94 detainees and deposit them in said town until their hearing on whether or not they can stay in the U.S. even though they entered illegally.  So, where does a town of 4200 house said detainees until their hearing, they can’t.  So, they have to release them with a citation and hearing date, any wagers on how many of them show up for their hearing?  So instead of busing them across the border where they entered, they put them on a bus, travel out of California, through Arizona, through New Mexico and dump them here.  Now they are a bazillion miles from their family in Mexico, in a town that has not the resources to house or feed them.  Welcome to Texas.

While listening to that I saw a guy walking down the street openly carrying a fire arm.  Which is super sexy to someone whose favorite Amendment is the 2nd.  I pondered on FB which was sexier.  Concealed or open carry.  But that’s like asking what’s sexier, a man in uniform, or out of one.  Completely redundant.

I had my first opportunity to assess our winter clothing needs.  We are covered in 17 of 49 categories.  Probably more I need to go through a few closets yet.  Unfortunately I do not need a new coat.  I mean I so rarely get to buy one.   Truth time.  We once discussed my desire to buy a coat in counseling.  Yes, can you tell Tech Support and I have been through rough times?  Fighting over whether or not I should buy a $79 coat.  So trivial.  We don’t fight about things like that anymore,  most of our fights are about who’s a dork and who isn’t.  Nobody wins that fight.

The twins decided today that they wanted to go on vacation and ride a donkey.  Better yet a donkey/dragon hybrid like in Shrek.  Yeah, that would be awesome.

I went to Chic-fil-A for lunch.  Ours has a very jacked up lunch time mess.  They have people in the parking lot who take your order and call it in on their cell phone.  That and their parking lot was designed by a monkey.  So, that aside, I was placing my order and reading blogs on my cell phone and the order taker said she had the same phone as I did.  Cool.  And as if to prove it to me, I guess I looked shocked that SHE would have a phone like mine.  She dug through her pockets to show it to me.  OKaaaay.

Tech Support went to school today to volunteer for the whole day.  I did not kill his dog.  Yes I’m the very model of self control.  He left 15 minutes ago for a meeting and the dog is already barking non-stop and will continue to do so until the man returns.  He may not be so lucky tonight.

I feel it is time to feed myself.  I, contrary to the prevailing thought of child educators, must take care of myself.  I know, I should be a martyr and kill not only myself but my marriage to make sure the littles and the bigs have only the best of everything.   Sorry, not buying it.

Big Boy is mooing.  I should really go check that out.