We are done!

It finally happened.

We adopted the orphans.

(note: not all children pictured are orphans)

It took all of five minutes and there was too many questions.

Like having a kid the old fashioned way.

‘cept this time I didn’t actually get screwed, by Texas or anyone else.

If you follow me on Twitter, I have already changed their names to those of a multiple birth.  A, B, C are the bio children.  D, E, F are the children formerly known as orphans.  Girls are A & C.  Yes, you won’t know their names, but at least you might know where they are in birth order.  A&B are adults and the DEF are 6ish.  C is the forgotten middle child and also 12.

Now that we have that out of the way….

We had to go to the border town last night.  NOT where white people want to spend a lot of time.  Shut up, you wouldn’t.  I’m probably a bit jaded since the first time I went there and the caseworker freaked out when I told her where I was.  (The border town is not big on street signs and I had wandered out of her comfort zone) anyway we spent the night there.

And I ironed.

This was a big BIG deal.

We got there at 7:50 for the 8:30 hearing.  Our former adoption worker was there already, but not our current one.  She did arrive on time, which in our book was about 40 minutes late.

The whole thing was rather anticlimactic.  There was another adoption before us.  I almost cried when they said he had been placed at nine days.  He was at least as old as our kids.  yay for Kevin.

When it was our turn, our attorney (who was appearing by phone) asked Tech Support all the questions.  Which, and I’m sure I have mentioned this, Tech Support is deaf ish.  And speaker phones suck.  But, it all got done.  Wham. Bam. Thank you ma’am.

No one was excited.  Considering we have had 14 failed adoption dates in the past, we really didn’t want to get too excited.  Which sucks.  We should have been excited.

Because I ironed.  I don’t iron.

The only complaint thus far from the kids has been from F.  She is disappointed that we did not change her name to Victoria or Victorious or Emily.   After all, her sister got to changer her name to Victoria/Victorious/Emily something….(not really) And that we can’t go on a cruise today.

Would not be the right time to tell them I’m unemployed….

Anyway…..

after court we had to file the paperwork.  We were handed papers and reminded that the kids no longer exist.  Their files are sealed.  Without the four papers that were handed to me.  They cannot be reanimated, legally speaking.

Yes, they handed the papers to me.  The only papers where my children exist.

No one told me I would have to responsible for things.

Then I had to go get paperwork stamped.

I handed a lady, and by lady I mean barely not a kid, the papers, without reviewing them or asking for supporting documents or a court order or anything.  She made my kids new people.

So this is it.  The end.

I can now keep my knives on the coffee table, and chemicals under the kids beds.  And no one gets to come in and tell me any different.

I can now move or just go to the freakin pool without asking my mommy for permission.

I can get a bunny.

I can do all sorts of things that most people on the planet take for granted.

It’s a big day.  I would like to give you all a high five or a hug or a fist bump or a slap on the butt.  However it is we congratulate each other on an awesome job.

Now, I’m gonna take a nap.

We have been told umpteen gillion times (not an exaggeration) that this is the month.  THIS one.  I know we’ve said it before but this is really it.  We’ve heard it so many times we are immune to getting excited about the possibility we may someday actually get to adopt the kids that came to live with us on a February night back in 2005.

Sit yourself down.  You may feel queasy.

We will not be adopting the kids on Friday.

They have not filed termination on the father.

Whuh?

I thought they had.

Yes, so did we.  Every service plan, legal document, blah blah blah for almost five years has referenced the fact that the named father and all unknowns had their rights terminated.

But in fact, no one actually filed the paperwork with the courts.

Therefore, he still has rights.

So, there’s that.

What next?

They try to terminate his rights.

This should be fairly easy as he has not seen them since 2005 and they were one or younger.  Additionally, his rights were recently terminated as to another child that is not in our care and whose adoption was finalized in November.

Unfortunately, and this is speculation on my part, this opens the door for every long lost relative to come forward and claim the kids.  This tactic was tried with the other kid and they were all denied, but still, if they want to “do it right” they will have to do homestudies on the family members and decline them in regards to our case.

Also, just because they can get termination, doesn’t mean he can’t fight it.  How soon this happens will likely be determined by how much he wants to fight for kids he hasn’t seen since they weighed their current age.  (6 pounds)

This is absolutely frustrating.  Mostly because I noticed the lack of supporting documents regarding the fathers termination when we were given the legal documents from our since been fired attorney.

This is not a little thing, like they got his name wrong on the documents.  This is THEY DIDN’T FILE THE DOCUMENTS.

Also, disturbing is the fact that our attorney didn’t pick up on this.  It is referenced on every single document.  Fathers rights: Terminated.

But like I tell the kids.  Just because someone says something doesn’t make it true.

So, our day to day will remain the same.  You, the happy tax payers will pay for the state to continue processing our case.  Even though the federal gov’ment has a law that states kids have the right to NOT be in foster care their whole life.  That they have the right to “closure” they will continue to be in foster care and will not get closure.

We had not discussed with the kids the possibility that they would be adopted this week.  Umpteen bajillion times bitten and all…. We do plan to be extra diligent with caseworkers NOT bringing up the adoption thing.  They ask all the time “So, do you want to be adopted?”  and then are told that adoption means that mommy and daddy love them and they get to stay here forever.  Only to ask us every day for the next six weeks if we’ve adopted them.

No, we haven’t adopted you.

So, you don’t love me…..

Shut up CPS.  Stop talking about things that aren’t being done.  Stop talking about things and actually do something.  We will tell the kids about the adoption AFTER the court has finalized it.  While this ultimately concerns them most of all, this is not their decision.  They are very young children.  This is not their decision.  We are the adults that have been put in charge of their best interest.  We have decided that it is in their best interest to remain with us.  Adopting them is the best way to assure that they do.  Whether they want to be adopted or not is not for them to decide.  If they got to decide everything they’d have McDonald’s 400 times a year and go to bed at midnight. They don’t get a say in it, stop asking them.

This process is not in my best interest for sure.  I LOVE the kids.  They are mine.  But this process is not fulfilling to me.  I would like to be able to decide where I’d like to take my kids on vacation.  I’d like to be able to visit my family in Montana this summer, but because we can only be gone for ten days and it cost $800/person to fly there we have neither the time nor the money to visit.

So that’s what’s happening now.

On the TV.

Last night I watched Zebra Migrations (or something about zebra migrations) on Nat Geo.  What I learned is that the zebras have never known an orphaned zebra to get adopted.

I think they know this because of the after documentary interviews they conducted with the zebras.

In all my life, I ain’t never seen it.  You seen it?  Uh uh.  Me neither.

But I didn’t stick around to hear the whole story.

I’m guessing zebras don’t like the paperwork involved.

Could you imagine the mountains of paperwork if you little orphan zebra got attacked by a lion?

Where were you? What were you doing?

I was in AFRICA.

I was waiting around hoping not to get eaten by lions.

But it’s Africa.  Things happen.

Bite me.

I’d totally get cited for that.

This past weekend was that weekend.

Our original plan was to go to a disc golf thingy, but then then Tech Support got shot.

Instead, we went to a local state park.

But not before renting a hideous RV that I named Minnie Pearl because it had a price tag permanently imbedded in it and also smelled like a dead old lady.

I will be naming names.

After we get our deposit back.

After announcing my absence on Facebook, friends rallied.  Annie. Camping?  They were on the ready in case I needed them to throw me a benefit or something.  Had our house burned to the ground or something? No.  Just supporting the cause of turning my boys into stinky men who don’t shower.

For the record.  No one showered.  Except Tech Support.  No one brushed their teeth.  Except me.  And we were all fast asleep about ten minutes after the sun went down.  Seriously, who knew complete and utter darkness and no TV would have that effect?

So, that happened.

I made it back alive.

Was not killed by the elusive Chupacabre.

Which, is the Big Foot of the canine world, in case you don’t constantly have the History Channel on at your house.

However.

There was a bra that got a little out of hand and tried to kill me.

#truestory

Being the runner that I am (shut up) I am finding myself wearing workout clothes a lot.  Say like, most of the time.

I threw a random regular bra into my bag, in case the uniboob look annoyed me.  Which it did.  Now, I don’t know if it was hurt feelings about getting relegated to the minor leagues or what, but that stupid thing tried to kill me on several occasions.

Having lived through that ordeal, I counted myself lucky.

Til I woke up with what looked like vampire bites on my hip.

By the end of Sunday they looked like boobs in need of a new bra, by this morning they had grown cleavage.  I was going to Tweet the picture, but could not get them to not look like boobs.  Which makes me want to Tweet them even more.

We are back, safe and sound in our own home, in our own beds.  Hopefully free of bugs and I will hopefully be down to only one set of boobs later this week.

Because if I have to wear two bras for the rest of my life, please just shoot me.

While gone, my phone coverage was shotty, ahem.  So I did not answer the multiple calls from Mama.  Luckily she did not give up.  She wanted to ask me for a visit.  Which is fine.  She is allowed to visit.  Here.  She wanted to alter that ever so slightly.

She wanted US to drive 7 hours round trip, to visit the baby daddy in his halfway house on THANKSGIVING, because he was all sad that he hadn’t seen his children in 5.5 years.  Boo freakin hoo.  Can I say it more politely?  Hell NO!   Not being deterred, she came back with a counter offer this morning.  He can use his day pass to meet us half way and we can have lunch in McDonald’s on Thanksgiving.  Sorry, not open.  and also? Bite me.

There is no legal requirement for us to facilitate any visit with any person.  We allow Mama to see them if she puts forth most of the effort.  Something that has only happened once in the 18 months we’ve had this agreement.  Driving 7 hours on Thanksgiving to have dinner at a halfway house, that I’d probably have to cook, is not part of the deal.

If I ever update my status to “driving 7 hours to visit the babydaddy in his halfway house” someone convene a full on intervention, and benefit concert to aid in my mental health bills.

Because that’s just crazy.

anyway

I have to get milk.  Hopefully before everyone else decides to go the store for their turkey.  hahahaha – too late for that.

until later

be awesome

And I misquote:

All children under the care of (US) who are legally free to be adopted… they define that as kids whose parents rights have been terminated and are not in an adoptive placement…are MANDATED (emphasis mine) to attend the adoption awareness picnic in thus and such a park on thus and such a date.  If you, the foster parent, cannot drive them you must contact US and we will pick them up and deliver them to the park.

We Throw Frisbees?

Mandated picnics.

Is it a law?  Did you go to the legislature and make it make us take our kids to a picnic?  Or are you just using the word to scare me?  Because I’m not scared.

Not a bit.

I will go so far as to assure you that my kids will not be attending.  And if you show up and take them, I’m calling the po po.

I will be forwarding a GINORMOUS box of frisbees for you to throw while you are at the park.

Tomorrow I will be shopping for a frame that will house the citation that I will surely be getting for not attending the mandated freakin picnic.

If only I had thought to keep the letter.  I laughed, showed the letter to Tech Support and immediately removed the bad juju from the house.  Although it would have been great defense in my trial.

You brought Mrs. Awesome to court, why?

Because she wouldn’t bring the kids to a picnic in the park where we had all legally free kids in the area on display for peoples who wanted to adopt.  And instead of, ya know, matching parents with children based on the parents self assessed criteria and the childrens needs, we decided to just dump a bunch of kids in the park and let the parents pick out the cute ones.   We figured that the kids could manipulate the probably very poorly trained parents into taking them home.  Because we realize that parents only really want cute children.  Even if they are fire starters and the would be parents specifically stated that fire starters were out of their area of expertise.  We figure it would be love at first sight and they would over look the child’s needs and just take them home.  We have TONS of kids in the system and those radio ads aren’t working.  Of course Mrs. Awesome has had the kids in her home for six freakin years and has spent thousands of dollars on an attorney so THEY can adopt the kids, but as you will notice she’s white and we should not place not white kids with her permanently because it is her intent to rob them of their cultural identity.  The kids will grow up believing they too are white.  And then one day, someone will let it slip that they aren’t white and that would crush them, so we feel it would be best to take them out of a home they’ve lived in their ENTIRE life so they can be with strangers who look like them.

Well that makes perfect sense.

Then, because of the volcano we had to cancel our romantic getaway to Oregon Wine Country because one of us wasn’t going to be in the country?

So, we spent a couple hundred dollars changing our tickets, and a couple thousand buying tickets for the many small children and turned it into a family vacation?

Do you remember this?

And all along, I was hesitant to go to Oregon, had a bad juju feeling about the whole thing.

So, we rescheduled, and AFTER 5.5 years in foster care we were given an adoption date.

DURING THE MIDDLE OF OUR VACATION????

So WE had to pass?

WELL, GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY?

Jury duty.

FEDERAL JURY DUTY.

Right smack dab in the middle of my Oregon vacation.

Oh yes, I checked the box marked many small children and returned it.

Got a letter today and I misquote.

“Too bad, so sad, get your ass in here, (we’ll still excuse you, we just need you to bring birth certificates {that don’t have MY name on them}) and NO, we will not deal with this matter via phone.  You can deal with it on the web, but when you click the button you will only see a message that says “your session has timed out”.

p.s. – WE MAY DECIDE THAT WE DON’T NEED YOU BUT IT WON’T BE UNTIL 6:00 THE NIGHT BEFORE SO PLEASE CALL THE HOTLINE

Throw a fuckin frisbee?  What?  You want me to show up so that I can excuse myself, but you reserve the right to change your mind 14 hours before I get there?  uh uh.

I’m sure it will all work out.

BUT

right now?  Kinda ticked off.

Not that we’ve been granted permission to take the kids out of state anyway.  That being said, if we have to cancel our vacation, again, because I have to appear to be excused from jury duty, and we’d have been here anyway for a court date that we passed on after begging for one for FIVE years, I’m going to take a picture and send it to Alanis, because that my friend….is irony.

and, as has been our luck,

we’ll be on vacation.

Not that I believe that our potentially possible date will be made.  We just got our whatcha callits to see if we ever kicked kitties in any of the other states we ever lived in.  You’d think they’d have run those when we became foster parents.  You’d think.

So, we have to send those to our worker, who in turn has to send them to the states, who in turn have to return them.  I think it will take longer than 30 some days to complete.

Plus, our agency won’t put kids into adoptive placement until the last business day of the month.  They say it is because they don’t want us to lose funding.  And by us they mean them, because once a kid is put into adoptive placement the foster cashola goes away. That being said, all ducks need to be in a row before June 30.  Hahahahahahahaha.

So, here we are at the end of the process and it’s US that is holding things up.  Ironic.

My Mother’s Day Celebrating began last week when Tech Support got me my present.  Cowboy boots. Or I guess cow “girl” boots, since I am in fact a girl.  Though the Census people had to ask.  Twice.  In case I forgot my first answer.

Also, my kids are white.  Who knew?  Not me.

Anyway….

I got cowgirl boots, and I rock them.  I picked them out in five seconds flat.  I was upset that I couldn’t get the right foot into the boot.  The left one slipped on without a problem, so I forced my wicked stepsister foot into that right boot.  All is good, but now I need my prince to remove my boot, and he usually tries to sneak a peek up my skirt.  How lucky am I?

The next day I got pudding cups from the twins, and cakes from the big boys.  We were on a bit of a sugar overload as we already had two cakes in the house from having friends over for dinner earlier in the week.  Yet, we managed.  Somehow.  We had to make sure we got rid of any evidence as we have a Shanda cake coming on Wednesday.

Anyways,

Friday, oMom showed up.  Well, I picked her up at the airport.  She took me shopping on Saturday.  The benefits of having a mother in law that only had boys.  Shopping.  I had to do it.  It would be impolite not to.  I ended up getting a couple of skirts and a jean jacket.  Tech Support did not realize the skirts were new, I have decided NOT to use this information to my advantage.  What can I say?

Mom was uber excited to get a biggish HDTV from the Chefs and we.  Too excited for someone who only gets three channels.

Turns out she was not excited about the TV.  Her puppy had kittens or something.

anyway

here’s your TV that we don’t really have because it’s at your house and you aren’t.

Anyway.

Then I took a nap.  I love naps.

Then we called Mama.  Felpsy told me that I was the best Mom ever, and wondered if it was ok if he told Mama that she was the best Mama ever.  I told him of course it was, he was super lucky.  I also thanked her for giving us beautiful children and assured her that she was honored in our home.

That is not to say that some of her actions of late haven’t frustrated me.  Like claiming a kid on her taxes.  That kinda messes ours up.  It is to say that just because the state can erase her name off a piece of paper does not negate her existence.  She is, and that is our reality.  You can’t pick your family, even when you do.

So happy belated Mother’s Day.  Hope you got a nap, or at least a steak.

She had met Tech Support on several occasions and I could see the wheels churning up the awkward questions that were rolling around in her brain.

She immediately asked the ages, 6-5-5.

“Oops, surprise.”

“No.”

When she got to the “how long have you guys been married?”  I decided to let her off the hook.

They didn’t come out of my body.

Ohhhhhhhh. (sigh of relief)

I had just pictured you….not white.

Yeah, that happens.

Yes, that’s right, your tax payments at work.  They are coming to decide if we can parent children that THEY dropped off here, and have left here for five years.  Maybe I’m stupid but if they aren’t certain by now what will a two hour interview by a total stranger will do.  Especially since this person asked that all the children be cleared from the premises so as not to delay her from her busy schedule.

Here’s a thought, and again, I have no letters after my name….maybe if you would look at our file, see that 40 people have been in and out of our home over the past five years, we’ve had the same kids, no newbies whatsoever, AND we have LEGAL custody.  You could just, I don’t know, sign over your rights to the kids.  Save us all a LOT of time and energy.

Also, I have to take the pictures of my home.  You know what I did, I took the pile off the counter, put it on the table, then took the counter top pictures, put it all back on the counter and took the dining room pictures.  Very accurate depiction of my home.  Idiots.

Also, 1 hour photo, not so much in existence anymore.  “maybe afternoon tomorrow”.

Yes, I’ve known about this, but as you’ll remember we’ve been on vacation.  She called the Monday before we left, didn’t leave us much time to to all of this, I mean after the housekeeper got it clean and all.

Plus, those children who aren’t supposed to be here, have been here.  Constantly, so I don’t know if you know this, it’s really hard to get lengthy gov’ment type paperwork done when children are upset because they aren’t “number one” on a Wii game they have never played.  Really, I think whomever invented public school is a freakin’ genius.

Anyway, I have to go and find the declaration page to all of our insurance forms.  Surprised that I don’t have them in one convenient location?  Sure you are.  Plus birth certificates, marriage license, divorce papers, and social security cards.  Not like they don’t already HAVE all of this.  Just not in “this” file.

Complete freakin’ idiots.

They didn’t ask for information on the dog, but what do you bet, they need information on the dog?

Of course, you know how this will look to the new person just assigned this case.  That we don’t have OUR act together.

Guess how much I care.

And it never ends, I must go and unfreeze Boog, because Felpsy froze him and then went to Tae Kwon Do, and now he’s stuck in his room.