annieology

I am so not a fan of graduating from EVER Y THING.  Princess and Boog are graduating from Mother’s Day Out, for goodness sake.  They finger paint and eat cookies while mom goes grocery shopping.  This is not an accomplishment.  Last year when Felpsy graduated, I had to buy a cap and gown for MOTHER’S FREAKIN DAY OUT.

Speaking of Felpsy, he’s graduating from Kindergarten.  Hey sport, way to master the ABC’s and the 123’s which you already knew, and since buying a cap and gown for Kindergarten graduation would be STUPID we just need to go and buy you some “Sunday best” which is discrimanatory against heathens.  I’m not a heathen, “thank you Jesus” but we wear our swim suits to church.  A by-product of living in a coastal community and the possibility that someone may need baptizin’.

Now, over the years the school has compelled us to attend these stupid infant graduations by holding them DURING school hours.  We can’t keep our kids home from them or we’ll go to jail for intentionally allowing our kids to skip school where they (get funding) are learning (although the test is over lurnin is done).  So, if we don’t show up (skip WORK)  we look like horrible parents.  Even worse,  WE look like horrible foster parents.

So, we go.

Which brings us to the 5th grader, who is also graduating.  A bit more of an accomplishment, but I would rather mark it by tossing out all of the Sponge Bob undies than attending YET ANOTHER graduation.  But whatever.  I attended the orphans’ I will go to yours too.

The only kid still at home that is not graduating is Sk8rboi, our 17 year old.  Who is going to school, and doing as well as he ever does, and working 25 or more hours a week and doing it all without so much as a “get your arse outta bed” from me.  He’s accomplishing something.

I need to write the school board.

He’s going to feel left out and develop a complex and end up in a clock tower.

Dear school board,

It’s not fair that not everybody gets to graduate from everything.  4/5 of my children will be graduating this year and my 1/5 is being discriminated against.  Either cancel all graduations or include everyone.  It’s only fair.  Also, I would like to recommend that each year you change the colors of the caps and gowns so that I have a broad color spectrum and no one is subject to hand me downs.  I also think that $30 is a good price point to start at.  The end of the year is a good time to hit us with these extra fees, because the kids are also going to lots of field trips and such because, as you know, standardized tests are over by the end of April and teaching kids after that would be pointless.

I’m not trying to tell you how to run things, just a concerned parent.

Sincerely, Annie

Also too, dear readers, don’t tell me to homeschool.  I cannot homeschool the orphans and homeschooling my “real” kids would seem cruel and exclusive.  Besides, the only thing I’ve effectively taught them is the “f” word and even that, I got wrong.

Two small disclaimers: My A key is broken.  And….a bonus, get your drinks, it’s filled with “anyways”.

My Mother’s Day Celebrating began last week when Tech Support got me my present.  Cowboy boots. Or I guess cow “girl” boots, since I am in fact a girl.  Though the Census people had to ask.  Twice.  In case I forgot my first answer.

Also, my kids are white.  Who knew?  Not me.

Anyway….

I got cowgirl boots, and I rock them.  I picked them out in five seconds flat.  I was upset that I couldn’t get the right foot into the boot.  The left one slipped on without a problem, so I forced my wicked stepsister foot into that right boot.  All is good, but now I need my prince to remove my boot, and he usually tries to sneak a peek up my skirt.  How lucky am I?

The next day I got pudding cups from the twins, and cakes from the big boys.  We were on a bit of a sugar overload as we already had two cakes in the house from having friends over for dinner earlier in the week.  Yet, we managed.  Somehow.  We had to make sure we got rid of any evidence as we have a Shanda cake coming on Wednesday.

Anyways,

Friday, oMom showed up.  Well, I picked her up at the airport.  She took me shopping on Saturday.  The benefits of having a mother in law that only had boys.  Shopping.  I had to do it.  It would be impolite not to.  I ended up getting a couple of skirts and a jean jacket.  Tech Support did not realize the skirts were new, I have decided NOT to use this information to my advantage.  What can I say?

Mom was uber excited to get a biggish HDTV from the Chefs and we.  Too excited for someone who only gets three channels.

Turns out she was not excited about the TV.  Her puppy had kittens or something.

anyway

here’s your TV that we don’t really have because it’s at your house and you aren’t.

Anyway.

Then I took a nap.  I love naps.

Then we called Mama.  Felpsy told me that I was the best Mom ever, and wondered if it was ok if he told Mama that she was the best Mama ever.  I told him of course it was, he was super lucky.  I also thanked her for giving us beautiful children and assured her that she was honored in our home.

That is not to say that some of her actions of late haven’t frustrated me.  Like claiming a kid on her taxes.  That kinda messes ours up.  It is to say that just because the state can erase her name off a piece of paper does not negate her existence.  She is, and that is our reality.  You can’t pick your family, even when you do.

So happy belated Mother’s Day.  Hope you got a nap, or at least a steak.

When I was growing up we had Jr. High as opposed to Middle School.  Jr. High started in the seventh grade.  I distinctly remember a time in my life when I COULD NOT WAIT to be a seventh grader.  How cool.  The perks of Jr. High?  Come on.  Wow.  It seemed there could never be anything cooler.  And BONUS we got out 30 minutes before the “little kids”.  Wow.  How badly can one misinterpret reality?

Boog was slighted earlier today.  He and Little Miss Sunshine were playing airplane.   She took it upon herself to assign the duty roster.  “You can drive the plane, I’ll get the drinks.”

“Boys can get drinks too you know.”

No one wanted to be the pilot.  I’m going to spin this as they don’t feel the need to be in a position of power, rather they have a servants heart.  Well, it’s my story that gets told here.

Last week, while on Facebook I got chatted up by a former child of mine.  She wanted to know if she could come and see me.  Since she is still underaged I inquired as to her parents thoughts on the matter.  She emancipated at 17 so I encouraged her to come over whenever she felt like it.

I suppose my thoughts on the matter deserve their very own post.

She’s coming over tonight.

Then I’m going to night two of a women’s conference and let me just ask you this?  Why have we, as women as a whole, not yet gotten it into our pretty little heads that we are AWESOME, SO FREAKING AWESOME, and stop the whining?  Isn’t that the essence of a women’s conference, to tell us how awesome we are?  Apparently this theme sells, but more on that later.

Looking forward to going to church this weekend, corporately speaking.  We have a meeting with the Food Bank next week to finalize paperwork regarding the Back Pack Food Program, probably not in time for Spring Break, but  enough time to work out the kinks before the school year ends and we move from two schools to all of them.  We are doing our neighborhood school, it is not a Title 1 school, the needs here are real,  but overlooked in the evil rich district we live in.  We are also doing a school where it’s estimated that over 90% of the kids will participate.

So, I gots to go scan the horizon for my baby coming home.