We had a phase.

aka – pregnancy and post partum hormones

then a bit of resentment set in.

It is the typical story of a marriage.

Both of us had already been through a divorce and were not keen on another.  Tech Support spent his childhood missing one parent or another.  I just didn’t want to be that lady who had been married eight times.   And if I didn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with me, it wouldn’t be long before I was that lady.

Having been divorced, I could see the benefits.  The problem with that marriage was bad picking.  I knew going into it, that it would be short lived.  That was not the problem with this marriage.  I had picked fell ass backward better this time.  He was good people.  I’m likable enough.  Kinda fun.  Also, both of us are incredibly stubborn.  Neither of us were going to be the one to give up first.

So, we figured it out.

What works for me is not remembering yesterday.  Turns out, Tech Support is human.  He’s going to screw up.  I have to not keep a log of every wrong he’s ever committed against me.  Honestly, I don’t know how he puts up with me.  boobies

This year I’m committing to adding to the happily married column.  Treating each day as a new day.  Not letting crap build up.

If that fails, I still have my stubbornness.

I am trying to find the happily every day.  Ever after is a given.   Right?

For a Fairy Tale formulaic story anyway.

Tech Support and I  have been happily married for 11 years.

Give or take.

But didn’t you get married in 1998?

Yes, you are correct.  We had to do a trade for the 18 months of sheer bliss prior to the wedding.  Or something.  Life is fair and things have to even out.

Except not.

Several weeks ago there was an incident that involved my wedding ring.  And the treadmill.  Let’s just say they didn’t get along and the treadmill won.  So, for the past month or so I’ve been without my billboard of love, symbol or marriage.

Until today.

The jeweler called.  My ring had been resurrected.  Without divine help it took weeks not days to bring it back to life.

Since today was (laying around naked all day day) Friday and we had a (covert community planning meeting) windsurfing party to go to.  Tech Support, who had (laid around all day too) been up since four in the morning, sent me to get the ring.

Which I did.

It was all shiny and new. The rock was where it was supposed to be.  All buffed up nicely without the years of wear and tear.  And boy did it sparkle under the magic jewelry store lighting.  I tried it on quickly to make sure it fit, then took it off so that it could be put back on by my husband.

Which he did.

After he got down on one knee and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him.

Tear.

Which he didn’t do the first time.

Before.

Before four more kids.  Or 22, depending on how you count.

Before he found out I don’t like to talk on the phone.

Before he found out that I must watch TV alone.

Before he got me pregnant and I turned into a psychotic freak and got really fat.

Before it got bad and ugly.  When it was just the good.

And it was good.

Really good.

But today.  He did.  Did get down on his knee. With four kids demanding our attention.  While wearing his “I love my wife” shirt. You don’t see that in the movies.  A guy in an “I love my wife shirt” asking a girl to marry him while four kids are wanting, in no particular order, glitter, swim suits, a band aid, raspberries and a hug.

So, I got a do over. An I do – do over.

A new proposal, based on reality about what life is and not what he hopes it will be.

A ring that looks new and pretty, but is just the same old, scratched and bent up ring that somebody put some effort into.

So, YES.  I will spend the rest of my life with you.

I, Annie Awesome, take you Tech Support, to be my lawfully wedded husband to have a lot and to hold mmhmm from this day forward. As long as we both shall live.  I promise to try to remember to write a list before going to the store AND to take said list AND buy things that are on it that were requested by you.  I promise to TRY and remember that laundry gets all wrinkly if left in the dryer for four day and take it out sooner.  I promise to say “sorry” more and swear a little less, (especially around the kids).  I promise to return your keys immediately upon finding my own.  I promise to always tell you when I’m in a bad mood as soon as I know it instead of punching you in the throat for breathing near me.  I promise to always take my nap and my meds when I need to.  And to hire a sitter whenever you want to sneak off on vacation.

I will love you forever.

And also every day.

This guy has been widely recognizable for 20 years.  I know this, because my husband knows who he is.  If I can say a name and my husband doesn’t cock his head to one side and look at me funny, then it is safe to say that 90% of Americans know this person.  God love the man, but I doubt he’s heard of Glee.

Celebrity and money changes people, especially when you become a celebrity for being the best at something, you believe that translates into all aspects of your life.  It doesn’t.  Tiger rocks at golf, to an embarrassing level.  He is king of the golf world.  Now, put him in a normal situation, let’s say marriage.  Few people rock at marriage to the level that he rocks at golf.  He has spent his life becoming the best at golf, I would venture to say that relationships are often put on the back burner for that honor.

Put yourself in his shoes for a moment.  When you are ANY place other than your home, you are king of the world.  You walk into your house, you are human, you walk out you are god.  It’s intoxicating.

It’s easy for the rest of us to sit back and be appalled.  His celebrity does not grant him super powers that make him immune to sexual temptation, throw in millions of dollars and he’s not only human, he’s also a target.  How many women in the world want to wow your husband?  Sure there may be some, but they aren’t everywhere.

What it comes down to is that none of this is any of our business.

There is a scarlet letter man’s jacket hanging in my closet.  Be shocked, be appalled, be understanding.  You are not me.  You have no idea what my life or situation was like.  I did not ever want that distinction, had you asked me I would have said “I’d never”.  Now, I am the first to say, “Yep, I could so very easily go there.”  and  I would, and I know this, and I haven’t.

Right now it’s Tiger’s turn to be naked at the feet of Jesus with a crowd surrounded waiting for their chance.  Show him some grace.  Show him some mercy.  Drop your stones and walk away.  There will be a time in your life when you are there too, maybe for a different reason, but you will be there.  Ashamed and vulnerable, and in need of mercy.

So, how’s it going?

OK, I think they are gone.  Why are we talking about sex?  Well, the subject seems to be, shall we say, coming up a lot in my life.  The kids.  The friends.  It’s just been a hot topic lately.  Everybody wants to know about it, but no one wants to talk about it.  So, we read what the sexperts say, but still no one is satisfied.

Sex is just weird.  We like it, but it’s weird.  We want it when it’s forbidden, yet when we have access to it, we can always find something else more important.  The average marriage lasts seven years because that’s how long it takes to have 2.5 children after the wedding and then “realize” how miserable you are.  The women transfer their affections to the kids and the husbands get tired of it being harder to score with their wife than the hottie at work and we sit around wondering what happened.

When it comes to this topic, I may look like a girl, but my brain sides with the guys almost every time.  Because of the things the girls are telling me.

Do not tell me that the kids are getting in the way.  That’s why God invented Ace Hardware.  Go to Ace, pick up a lock for the door.  Problem solved.  I’m sure you have figured out how to keep them distracted long enough to shower, or cook dinner, or whatever else it is you real women do with your time, figure it out.  You figured out how to sneak some sex in while you were a teenager, you don’t honestly want us all to believe that you were smarter when you were 17 do you?

When it comes to man and wife time, the kids are off limits.  You cannot go out on a date and talk about the kids all night and expect to get all hot and bothered.  Well, not in the good way anyway.

I even heard a girl tell me that she couldn’t get into it because she was worried what her kids would think if they knew what she was doing.  You should not be worried about what the kids think.  You should be worried that someone who doesn’t give a damn about what your kids think might become interested in your husband.

Do not tell me you are no longer interested in sex.   Who’s buying Cosmo?  You are.  And it’s nothing if not word porn for women.   You’re interested, but you think if your husband really loved you he’d figure out what to do, just like in the books.  It may require graphs and charts and a laser pointer, but trust me, they are willing subjects.  And guess what, if he doesn’t get it right today, you can always try again tomorrow.  And if any of you girls needs graphs or charts, let me know, I’ll lend you mine.

Tomorrow.

She would have a home.

Tomorrow.

She would have a family.

Tomorrow.

She would have the life that she dreamed of.

This Annie gets it.

Tomorrow.

I will get MY dreams.

Tomorrow.

These kids will be gone.

Tomorrow.

I won’t have to…

Tomorrow.

I will be Annie.

I love you tomorrow.  Where are you?

In the end, the lyrics change.

Tomorrow is only a day away.

Tomorrow.

Dagan turns nineteen.

Tomorrow.

Big Boy will drive himself to school.

Tomorrow.

Radical will enter his final year of elementary school.

Tomorrow.

Felpsy will enter Kindergarten.

Tomorrow.

The twins will begin their final year as babies.

Tomorrow.

Where did you come from?  I knew you were coming, I just wasn’t expecting you.

I have a child who isn’t.  I actually have two.  By this time next year, my role as the primary parent for Radical will have been filled by Daddy Awesome.  Radical will no longer need a Mommy.  He’s looking more to his father to teach him how to be a man.  Those babies they brought in the middle of the night are riding bikes.  Felpsy has made incredible progress from the wild child that they brought us.

It’s all going as it should.

I just wasn’t expecting it.

Tomorrow

they will not need me.

Yet

this morning as another tomorrow arrived, Hubby and I all cuddled up in bed, willing the world to wait awhile longer, I knew this story needed me.  That I needed it.

I am that I am because of this story.

They are that they are.

Tomorrow can wait.

Tomorrow is here.

Physically, it was an easy (and fun) process.  Initially.  Eventually a ten pound baby got in the way and it became apparent that we were of differing minds.  Our differing mindset, lasted a lot longer than it needed to.  It would have been easy to give up and settle into that mindset, figuring that’s how life is.  This is what everybody says marriage is like.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage, and by the time you put the carriage on the curb, you might as well throw out  the marriage as well, because you can no longer find the love.

Our marriage lasted, not because we were lucky to avoid what others haven’t, rather we were diligent, and it was blessed.   We are blessed.

Financially speaking, the first seven years of our marriage could be considered normal.  Build credit.  Get into debt.  Become hopeless.  Repeat that cycle til you die.  Several years ago, I started listening to Dave Ramsey and I wanted to get out of debt and stay there.  It was terrifying.  “What if?” became my constant companion.  Today, we are debt free.  In a couple of years, we will have the house paid for.  We just paid cash for a new roof and a plumbing emergency.  We still have money in the bank.  It was not easy to become like minded in the area of finances, but it is so worth it.  We don’t have to worry if my husband loses his job.  Now that it is just the house, “What if?” is back.  What if we have to move?  Well, renting cheap for two years wouldn’t be the end of the world.  What I do know is that when Hubby and I agree on how to spend money there’s a lot of it left over.

Every day there seems to be something that we don’t agree on.  Most times, neither of us is too tied to our opinion.  Those times are easily resolved.

Sometimes, I just submit because he is the head of the household.  Like sending Dagan to college with no money and no safety net.  My mama bear mind wanted to baby her.  Intellectually I knew that I needed to be an eagle mama and throw her off the cliff, prepared to be there if she needed.   He was right.  It’s been a year, and we’ve seen our share of Dagan’s friends come home with nothing but a student loan and a wasted year.  She has less than one year left, she’s still alive, and our relationship has never been better.

Sometimes, I don’t give in and he does because he sees that it is important to me.  And then there are times where both of us have strong opinions and neither of us are willing to budge.

Then what?

When we reach a stalemate in the Awesome household, I pray.  And my words are feeble, I always try to find God’s words to pray.  In the event of a stalemate, I pray

Philippians 2:2 – Then make my joy complete by being like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

I pray it for three days, figuring if God can change a dead person into a live person in three days, then he can change a mind in three days, even mine.

When it reaches this point, I’ve disciplined myself to accept whatever answer comes of it.  If Hubby’s mind is changed.  Good.  If mine is changed, then I’m at peace with it.  It hasn’t failed me yet.

I know, who the hell do I think I am?

I love coming home and finding out who has been checking up on me while I’m out.

Hello http://organisingtips.blogspot.com – were you using me as the anti-example?  Whatever the reason, I’m glad you stopped by.

What was I doing out with real people?

It was a church thing where we went to some body’s house and ate lots of good food and hung out and locked the kids in the backyard with a pool (that was being monitored by a lifeguard at all times) and not a trampoline.

I may have a lead on a Spanish Rice recipe.  I’ll keep you posted.

And we talked about God.  And marriage.

I love my marriage.  I love my husband.  I love my God.

And I met someone who was very interested in my worms, and has a housekeeper.  We’re destined to be besties.  Although that may be relationship step jumping.  Assuming we’ll be besties.  But did I mention, she has a pool (that is constantly monitored by a lifeguard) and not a trampoline?   And she likes my worms.   And lives next door to my other bestie?

On the way home the Princess played the “if you really loved me card”.   I sense trouble on the horizon with that young one.  She wanted a glow bracelet when we got home.  I told her she was going to bed.  She said “I thought you loved me”.   Well, I did.

If she only knew the havoc that has been wreaked by our love for her.

And I’ve been up 18 hours.  Hubby snuck out of the house this morning before 6:00 a.m. to go to Bible study.  The boys heard.  They woke up their sister.  They were trying to figure out the tv.  Then they started yelling at each other to “shut up or you’ll wake up mom”.

Isn’t it ironic?  Doncha think?

I know, I’m still here.  Have to finish my Coke.  Yes, I drink Coke at midnight.

Now, I’m done.  Good night, or good morning or good afternoon.

Sunday, Daddy Awesome took the boys to the water park for a Vacation Bible School kick off party.  Fun times had by all.  Except for the fact that I told him the wrong time and he got there waaaay early, but never fear, Daddy Awesome took the boys to “ride the tooth fairy” as was reported by Booger.  Yes, it might be a questionable choice for boys aged four, five and ten, if it were in fact the tooth fairy and not the ferry.   After the ferry boat ride it was back to the waterpark where the Awesome children wowed and amazed everyone with their high diving skills and their basic water awesomeness.

Meanwhile, back in the City by the Sea.  Myself and the Princess went on a girl date.  Where as I explained here that my daughter found out about my “stripper money” anyway, I’ll spare you the repeat.

Monday began our week of VBS, Hubby and I celebrated by going to a Deli and renting a movie. Boring old married couple, I think not. I’ll save that for a later post. Tuesday it was steak, Wednesday it was my meltdown. Thursday we saw Up, and Friday, with the roofing project complete just laid around and listened to the quiet.

Speaking of the roofing project.  The roofers called me out.  Wondering why us Gringo’s have children who aren’t.  Dang, and I thought I’d put one past Hubby for the past 4.5 years.  Although maybe he put one past me, because Boog and him are quite similar….just saying.   Let me just say, the roofers?  those guys worked their tails off.  And seem to have done a super job.

Were you standing in the wake of awesomeness this week, it might have been profitable for you.  Blogher contacted me about placing ads on the blog, which you will notice by looking to your left.  We also, paid off our car, paid cash for our new roof, in addition to the LASIK we paid for last week, just being around us you might have been able to pick up some of the money flying around.   We also emptied the piggy bank and the littles are the proud recipients of $45 worth of toys the next time we go shopping.

So, I must do it…..

WE’RE DEBT FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!

and we are well on our way to killing our mortgage.  Now that we have the other “little things out of the way”.  It wasn’t too long ago that we were uncertain if Hubby, aka Awesome Daddy, aka The Resident Geek, would be employed this week.  He is, and we are thankful for that.  So thankful we’re committed to doing only the best of the best with the money we earn.

Obama has had this brilliant plan that is trying to get everyone to have a mortgage no higher than 40% of their monthly income.  FOR FORTY YEARS.  Yikes, I freaked at the prospect of how much freakin money that would be.  Then I figured if we paid 40% of our mortgage we’d be done with the damn thing no time, but could not bring myself to pay that much every month.  So, I decided on 33% roughly and we’ll be done with the durn thing in 24 months give or take because you know that bonus’ and tax refunds will also be applied.  By the way, from the calls Dave Ramsey is allowing on his radio show, it doesn’t sound like Obama’s plan is helping.  They seem frustrated with the bureaucracy (which I just Freudanly spelled buraucrazy(Welcome to a new awesome word)).  I need a whole dictionary page to explain my awesome words.  I’ll work on that.

So, me and my many personalities bid you adieu and wish you all well for your Father’s day weekend.  (I bought Kobe steaks and cannot wait to eat them celebrate Daddy Awesome!)