annieology

So, I haven’t seen the Marriage Ref on NBC, just a whole lot of previews.  Apparently, you write in regarding some complaint and a celebrity panel mocks you and declares a winner.  I saw a lady kissing her iguana and her husband rolling his eyes.  That’s all I know.

Then I saw Madonna was going to be on.

Really?

Is she really the go to girl for marriage advice?  Last I checked she kind of trashed her own marriage.

I guess it’s just one more nail in the coffin of what used to be a sanctified union.

Certainly it’s meant for entertainment.  I get that.  Although I don’t think that NBC would know what entertainment was if it bit them in the ass.  Every decent show they’ve had, they have also cancelled.  They want cheap thrills, and while they may get those cheap thrills, they will also get a reputation.

It’s like anything else NBC, you have to stick with things that you know are quality.  Whether or not it starts out hot.  Does anybody remember the first year of Seinfeld.  Or the second?  No.

You don’t trash quality programs because they aren’t immediate hits.  But I guess it’s useless to explain this to someone who hire Madonna as a marriage ref.  So, I’m going to go watch CSI Miami, because it’s on.  And it’s a hit.  And it’s also crap.

Somebody shut Kate up.  Please!  Pretty please!

I tried, really hard to watch, “Kate: Her Story” but I think some of my brain matter is permanently dead from doing so.

Every decision I make is life altering.  Cuz it HAS to be. I have eight kids.

Bull crap.  It only has to be if you are the supreme ruler of the universe and every decision is life or death, that’s not you Kate.  I know you think it is.  But it’s not.  If the kids have gum that isn’t organic, NO ONE WILL DIE.

Our life is exactly the same as it would be if we hadn’t done the show, what you see is our life, except now I can’t take my kids on fabulous vacations.

So, is it or isn’t is exactly the same as it would have been?  I’ve lived long enough to know that every action permanently changes the landscape of the world forever.  But I am supreme ruler of the universe, so that goes without saying.

I have no one I can trust.  I have no one in my life that hasn’t turned on me.   Or won’t in the future.

Yeah, that’s because you’re a kind of a bitch, except not kind of.  I’m sorry, but if I watch your eight kids and my kids all day while you do some sort of cool tv thing, and they are returned to you alive, don’t call me up five minutes later and yell at me for giving them gum.  Sorry I ruined a pair of socks, you make $60,000 an episode and won’t allow the tv people to pay me and my family for the time the tv show is in OUR home, fuck you and buy a new pair of socks.  Hey, I’ll even buy them.  But you are so not the victim.

I don’t know where Jon became unhappy.

Kate, have you never seen the show?  Have you never seen the interview where you explain to the world that you went behind his back for the second fertility treatment? The one that produced SIX babies.  But it’s okay, we were gonna do it eventually, you just went in a little early.   Or heard him tell the cameras that he felt like he was a dog that you were scolding.  Or even just noticed the constant yelling and general undertone of annoyance.  Because I saw it.  I called your divorce way back in the pumpkin patch.  I figured by the time you got to Toys R Us, that he was totally addicted to porn.   And when he hired a trainer.  Well, HELLO?

Or maybe you didn’t hear him when he said he didn’t want to do the show any more.  That he wanted to get a real job, that working from home didn’t do it for him.  I heard that.  And yes, I some days feel that way too, so maybe I am siding with him, except not maybe.  Sure, he could have gone about it differently, but at least my husband doesn’t remind me on national tv that we have kids that need someone at home and it ain’t going to be him, because he’s a star and people stand in line to see him at 1/2 Price Books.

Doesn’t TLC have a make over show of some sort?  Somebody has got to do something about Kate’s hair.  I didn’t think it could get worse.

I was wrong.

I’ll admit it.

And as supreme ruler of the universe I can do that.

Due to luck and poor planning, I have a child in every demographic.  Preschool.  Grade School. Almost Middle School.  High School and College.  Like I said luck and poor planning.  I took the three youngest demographics to Where the Wild Things Are yesterday.  The verdict is Netflix that bad boy and spend the big bucks on something else.

The twins were alternating between boredom and fear.  Once Boog realized the effect his Sketcher light ups had on a darkened theater, he was over watching the movie.  Occasionally he’d look up, but mostly he was all about slamming his shoes together.

Princess spent most of the time hiding under her jacket, whimpering.  Even now, a whole day later, she is reminding me that she didn’t like it.

As for the grade schooler?  He said he “loved” it, but couldn’t tell me what he liked about it.  He eventually came up with the popcorn.  So it wasn’t so much about the movie as it was about the experience.  Later in the evening he told me he liked the parts where the boy was at home annoying his mom.  He thinks it would be great to stand on the counter and yell “FEED ME WOMAN” but has decided that he wouldn’t much like the consequence of doing so.  He also liked the part where the wild things were throwing dirt clods at each other and getting hurt.  Not really something I had wanted him to take away from an afternoon at the movies.

Our ten year old thought it was “sad”.  Again, why did I spend $50 to make my children sad and give them ideas on how to be naughty?

Personally, I did not like the cinematography.  There were several scenes where I had to look away because it was making me nauseous.  Monsters running through trees call for picture stabilization, just saying.

As for the story?  I haven’t read the book in a long time, so as to whether the movie was true to the story, I don’t know.  What I do know is that there was very little “feel good” about it.  I go to the movies to forget about the pain and heartache of life.  If you are jonesing for a movie this weekend, rent Up and put the Wild Things in your Netflix queue.  Not worth the $50 in my opinion.