Then I saw Madonna was going to be on.

Really?

Is she really the go to girl for marriage advice?  Last I checked she kind of trashed her own marriage.

I guess it’s just one more nail in the coffin of what used to be a sanctified union.

Certainly it’s meant for entertainment.  I get that.  Although I don’t think that NBC would know what entertainment was if it bit them in the ass.  Every decent show they’ve had, they have also cancelled.  They want cheap thrills, and while they may get those cheap thrills, they will also get a reputation.

It’s like anything else NBC, you have to stick with things that you know are quality.  Whether or not it starts out hot.  Does anybody remember the first year of Seinfeld.  Or the second?  No.

You don’t trash quality programs because they aren’t immediate hits.  But I guess it’s useless to explain this to someone who hire Madonna as a marriage ref.  So, I’m going to go watch CSI Miami, because it’s on.  And it’s a hit.  And it’s also crap.

I tried, really hard to watch, “Kate: Her Story” but I think some of my brain matter is permanently dead from doing so.

Every decision I make is life altering.  Cuz it HAS to be. I have eight kids.

Bull crap.  It only has to be if you are the supreme ruler of the universe and every decision is life or death, that’s not you Kate.  I know you think it is.  But it’s not.  If the kids have gum that isn’t organic, NO ONE WILL DIE.

Our life is exactly the same as it would be if we hadn’t done the show, what you see is our life, except now I can’t take my kids on fabulous vacations.

So, is it or isn’t is exactly the same as it would have been?  I’ve lived long enough to know that every action permanently changes the landscape of the world forever.  But I am supreme ruler of the universe, so that goes without saying.

I have no one I can trust.  I have no one in my life that hasn’t turned on me.   Or won’t in the future.

Yeah, that’s because you’re a kind of a bitch, except not kind of.  I’m sorry, but if I watch your eight kids and my kids all day while you do some sort of cool tv thing, and they are returned to you alive, don’t call me up five minutes later and yell at me for giving them gum.  Sorry I ruined a pair of socks, you make $60,000 an episode and won’t allow the tv people to pay me and my family for the time the tv show is in OUR home, fuck you and buy a new pair of socks.  Hey, I’ll even buy them.  But you are so not the victim.

I don’t know where Jon became unhappy.

Kate, have you never seen the show?  Have you never seen the interview where you explain to the world that you went behind his back for the second fertility treatment? The one that produced SIX babies.  But it’s okay, we were gonna do it eventually, you just went in a little early.   Or heard him tell the cameras that he felt like he was a dog that you were scolding.  Or even just noticed the constant yelling and general undertone of annoyance.  Because I saw it.  I called your divorce way back in the pumpkin patch.  I figured by the time you got to Toys R Us, that he was totally addicted to porn.   And when he hired a trainer.  Well, HELLO?

Or maybe you didn’t hear him when he said he didn’t want to do the show any more.  That he wanted to get a real job, that working from home didn’t do it for him.  I heard that.  And yes, I some days feel that way too, so maybe I am siding with him, except not maybe.  Sure, he could have gone about it differently, but at least my husband doesn’t remind me on national tv that we have kids that need someone at home and it ain’t going to be him, because he’s a star and people stand in line to see him at 1/2 Price Books.

Doesn’t TLC have a make over show of some sort?  Somebody has got to do something about Kate’s hair.  I didn’t think it could get worse.

I was wrong.

I’ll admit it.

And as supreme ruler of the universe I can do that.

The twins were alternating between boredom and fear.  Once Boog realized the effect his Sketcher light ups had on a darkened theater, he was over watching the movie.  Occasionally he’d look up, but mostly he was all about slamming his shoes together.

Princess spent most of the time hiding under her jacket, whimpering.  Even now, a whole day later, she is reminding me that she didn’t like it.

As for the grade schooler?  He said he “loved” it, but couldn’t tell me what he liked about it.  He eventually came up with the popcorn.  So it wasn’t so much about the movie as it was about the experience.  Later in the evening he told me he liked the parts where the boy was at home annoying his mom.  He thinks it would be great to stand on the counter and yell “FEED ME WOMAN” but has decided that he wouldn’t much like the consequence of doing so.  He also liked the part where the wild things were throwing dirt clods at each other and getting hurt.  Not really something I had wanted him to take away from an afternoon at the movies.

Our ten year old thought it was “sad”.  Again, why did I spend $50 to make my children sad and give them ideas on how to be naughty?

Personally, I did not like the cinematography.  There were several scenes where I had to look away because it was making me nauseous.  Monsters running through trees call for picture stabilization, just saying.

As for the story?  I haven’t read the book in a long time, so as to whether the movie was true to the story, I don’t know.  What I do know is that there was very little “feel good” about it.  I go to the movies to forget about the pain and heartache of life.  If you are jonesing for a movie this weekend, rent Up and put the Wild Things in your Netflix queue.  Not worth the $50 in my opinion.

Christian Slater is in it.

Good but not great.

Great was where Christian Slater was last year.  My Own Worst Enemy.  Great.

Still a little bitter.

At least you could show all the shows you filmed.

Don’t remember his name, but Jimmy from Yes Dear.

He too was great.  In everything.  But especially in Enemy.

Now, the forgotten will fare much better in history.  It is Jerry Bruckheimer after all.  Because it is Jerry Bruckheimer, and is not on NBC, it will probably live a lot longer.

Come on NBC, keep the good shows.  Life.  Enemy.  I know Leno and Dateline are easy, but do you really want easy?  Apparently you do.

Also like the father/son with pink hair team.

There is a team that I don’t like, but not for the reason you would think.

Can you believe how many family members can fit on one motor bike?

Did I tell you that I have finally figured out my perfect CBS approved team mate?  Me and Mama.  Yes, me and the mother of my children.  Would you not watch that?  I totally would.

Vietnam has a lot of brightly dressed and smiley children.

Apparently you don’t have to pass an IQ test to get onto the show.

Teams were pretty much neck and neck the whole way.  First on the mat came down to the Globe Trotters and the athletic/dating since high school couple.  Is there a need for me to tell you that the Globetrotters won the foot race?  Well, they did.  The girl couldn’t keep up.

So, it was

1. Globe Trotters
2. Meghan and Cheyne
3. Father and Pinky
4. Miss America and hubby
5. Sam & Dan (brothers)
6. Poker Players
7. Mika & Canaan
8. Zev & Justin
9. Lance & Keri (attorney and fiance’)

The dating couple Marcy and Ron were eliminated.

Somebody loses their passport next week.

There is likely not to be a spoiler contained herein as I don’t remember the actual plot all too well.  But, the main character had issues with his short term memory so he carried a Polaroid with him so he could take pictures and write pertinent information on them before his mind went blank.  Now that I think about it, did he ever wonder why he was holding a camera that spit out photos instantly?  For the really important items in his life he’d have tattood…tattooed??? Anyway, he’d get a tattoo that detailed the ‘portant stuff.

I need to start doing that.  I need to take a picture of the washing machine and force myself to carry that picture around until the laundry is done.  Or take a picture of where I put my phone, keys and purse when I put them down so that I can find them when I’m about ready to leave the house.

Y’all saw that right?  Hubby rolling his eyes.  He’s been trying to train me for years to keep them all in a spot by the door.  I hope he knows the frequency of eye rolling is a clear indicator of the likelihood of divorce.

Of course carrying around a Polaroid all day might become annoying, I’d need a place to keep that so that I would know where it was when I needed it.

I think I’ll keep it next to the purse and keys.

Desperate Housewives…who’s the new family and what is their deal.  My guess is Daddy is the creep.  Anyway, I’m glad Mike and Susan are the ones who got married.  Hello ABC – when a 40 something mom is three months pregnant with twins and they are children five and six, she’s fat!  She does not have a tiny belly/tiny boob thing going.  Although as someone in her stage in life, I totally get that terror and dread that she is feeling.   Bree and Orson are still married because he is still blackmailing her.  She’s getting hot and heavy in Bree fashion with her divorce attorney, who just happens to be Susan’s first husband.  Not much exciting with Gabi and Carlos, but Julie gets strangled at the end of the show, (my guess is new neighbor creepy dad).

Cold Case?  Who cares. But the blonde chic who needs a cheeseburger?  The guy who ran her off the road was acquitted and now she is out for revenge.

I think there might have been some football on.

Looking forward to tonight.  How I Met Your Mother is gonna be Awesome!  or Legen wait for it, dairy.

Alright, enough with the TV – Happy Yom Kippur.

Hubby thinks maybe, just maybe if I were to switch from sugar laden products to actual food, I might feel better.  You know what I have to say to that, right?

Throw a frisbee.

And crack me open another Coke.  I’ve only had three today.  And by three I mean four or five, depending on how you score the 32 oz Sonic Vanilla Coke I had this morning. Remembering the massive amounts of ice they put in and the fact that I hardly ever finish one.

Shouldn’t there be a pill or something that would make me feel better?  Nyquil would work, but I have to watch Criminal Minds tonight.  I’m talking a really groovy pill that will have a whole list of side effects, but not so groovy that I have to sit in a tub in my yard to enjoy it.

You remember Huey Lewis.  I want that drug.  Have they come up with it yet?  “The one that makes me feel like I feel when I’m with you?” That’s the drug I want.  You know who you are

I’d remind you with that video we made, wink wink.  But I think one of the “help” took it.  I don’t know how they found it, being on the shelf and labeled “my sex tape” on it.  I don’t know why anyone would take it, it’s not like I’m running for President or anything.   There are some things I’m not meant to figure out.  It’s not like I’m Scooby Doo.

I think if you are going to run for President, you just have to get it all out there.  Oh I would so hate to be worried about what crap is going to find me.  So, as I remember things I’ll start confessing them here.  That way none of you will be able to black mail me into setting the Small Pox virus loose.

First thing.

In first grade, I cheated on my spelling test.  I wrote the word reindeer down before the test started.  I copied it right off the practice sheet.  I think it was first grade, might have been second.  I went to first and second grade in the same classroom.  The spelling book was green though.

Woooh.  I feel better already.

In a cathartic admission of guilt sort of way.

Still have the general malaise.

I think there may only be one man who can defeat the general, and that is Cap’n Crunch.  I am now on a mission to hire him as my personal mercenary.

Speaking of my search for a new computer…why, Dell, do you have a five year warranty?  Do you not know that by the time I plug my new computer in, it is obsolete? You should know this.  I guess it just makes us all feel better knowing we can buy something we don’t need.

Like, for example…shoes.  I have 30 pair, I mean 32 pair.  Some great summer sales going on at the mall.   The mall, I can now follow the mall on Twitter.  Why would I want to do that?   Maybe if I thought I could get a sweater with full sleeves out of the deal.

Since, I’ve been unable to blog, or Facebook for the past couple of days, I’ve been catching up on tv.  Trying out the first of the new shows out there.

Can I just say that Dr. Oz is a brilliant man.  I mean come on, if you are going to be a doctor in this day and age, be a tv doctor.  Bravo.  Talking about vagina’s doesn’t hurt either.

Are you shocked about Kevin Skinner winning America’s Got Talent.  Shocked. That’s what I am.  I figured Barbara Padilla had it in the bag.  Looks like she thought so too.  Anyway, just a bit bummed that my guy Drew Stevyns didn’t win.  Could he be more Rob Thomas-y?  I don’t think so.

And this season of  The Biggest Loser?  OMgoodness.  We are a fat, fat nation.  My cousin is wondering if she should have kids because she read somewhere that the world is overpopulated and there isn’t enough resources to support us all.  Not when we are all 450 pounds.

Tshirts will be here tomorrow, then my tshirt czar will be making them annieology tshirts, then she will give them to me and I will mail them sometime before Christmas.  I want to say I have five girl shirts available and eight or so guy shirts.  Order one.  As an added bonus, if you are the first person in your state to do so.  I’ll give it to you for free.  Offer not valid in at least 4 states.

Anyway, since this is the kids’ computer, it’s keys don’t work as advertised and typing has become increasingly annoying.  I will catch you up on more later, remember to get your tshirt.  Leave a comment with your name and state.

There is a sitcom moment where they catch one of the characters in a lie.

Which she was.

She was appalled that they didn’t trust her, and stormed out.

“But you lied.”  You don’t get to be appalled.

Of course she had a “good” reason to lie.

And I’m sure it will all get resolved, but it frustrates me.