A window company has been stalker calling us for years.  We are finally in the market for windows so the other night when they called I said “sure come on over.”

This afternoon a nicely dressed gentleman rang the bell ready to sell us some windows.  He said it would take about 45 minutes for the demonstration.

“Well, I don’t really need a demonstration.” I know how windows work and I have the internet (thanks to Al Gore).

He kindly told me that he could not sell me the windows without a demonstration. Not even if I were to hand over the cash today.  He CANNOT sell me windows without the demonstration.

OK I get it, but I have way more money than time at this point, and I can always get more money.  I really don’t want to hear what kind of gas they put between their panes that make it “far superior” to anything out there.  I know he saw my 35 year old house, he was standing in front of it.  I just need some new windows.   I just want some quality windows at a reasonable price.  I don’t care about financing options we do the 100% down plan. I have no need to hear that you’ve been in business for 100 years just give me a price.  If it’s going to be $47,000 I’m not going to be interested.  If it’s $1,000 I’m going to be suspicious.  Give me a price and let me ask questions.

I’m sure the “guy sitting at your kitchen table” sales technique still works, but not here. We can get rid of people pretty quickly, the longer you stay the less we supervise the kids. Go talk the little old lady down the street out of her savings, I want a price before you get in the door, and if you cannot do that without a gimmick then I don’t want your windows anyway.

I certainly did not bum a smoke from the ice cream man, then proceed to lock myself out of the house while I smoked it.

During which time I did not threaten my three four year olds with loss of driving privileges in 12 years if they did not remain on their couches and watch a movie so I could enjoy my smoke.

I certainly did not have to beg them to come and “let mommy in” and they most certainly did not believe they were being tested were not going to fall for it.

I most certainly did have a chance to tell my husband all about it, and he did not have to read about it on the blog.

I did not let anybody have birthday cake for breakfast, since we did not have three birthdays in a house of seven, have three birthday cakes.

We most certainly did not start a 1K charity walk and then go to our car because it was raining.

Of course we would never spend a weeks worth of grocery money on two fast food meals, that would be silly.

I did not stay up til two last night chatting on Facebook, making myself too tired to function today. I did not do that, despite what you may have heard. I did not then instruct the three four year olds in calisthenics while laying on the couch in hopes that they would burn off some energy so I could rest awhile longer. Not me….

A Greek name: (meaning) gorgeous, kindhearted, rebellious, gentle towards others.

An exclamation beauty and wonder

A heat parasite;
one who steals heat from men; can only be defeated by a spin move.

Although I don’t know what a heat parasite is…

Also be warned that the Urban dictionary is not to be used as a reference manual for just about anyone, TMI in there for sure.

The idea of an Oscar Party though is appealing, not to watch the Oscar’s though, just for another excuse to have people over and eat good food. The last time we had an Oscar Party there was a wardrobe malfunction. No wait, I’m confusing that with something else.

We watched the Oscar Red Carpet ceremony on E! last year. Omom and Charlie were in the stadium seating just behind Ryan Seacrest. Awesome. Luckily odad was about a foot taller than the rest of the crowd and has very distinctive features so he was very easy to spot. We can only assume that was omom sitting next to him, we don’t have E! in HD. I think we have been permanently banned from watching as we were more excited to see omom and Charlie than we were to see the stars.

Here’s my brother in law working the Red Carpet at the Oscar’s.

You can tell, because he’s standing on a red carpet, and the guy next to him has a plate full of little Oscar’s.

Since I don’t post pictures of us here, that’s what my husband looks like, only taller, darker and handsomer, but I may be biased. We’re still so disgustingly in love, I only have eyes for him.

The last time I was excited for the Oscar’s we had three channels, and Kathy Bates won for Misery. Yes, I grew all the way up without cable or satellite, to top it off the whole town only had four movie screens, six in the summer….I miss the drive in. I guess that explains the stunted development of my caring about the Oscar’s parts.

So, I’ll be watching the Amazing Race tonight. I’m sure I’ll be able to find out who won tomorrow. E! online will have all the horrendous dresses and embarrasing Oscar speeches and Red Carpet moments. If you want to come over and watch the race with me, let me know, I’ll put on some hors de vours.

The instructions state that you should…
“Take Viagra about 1 hour before you want to have sex.”

Um, excuse me, I am pretending to be a guy. I’ve wanted to have sex constantly since I was 12. And prior to the moment I wanted to have sex, I didn’t want to have sex because girls were icky. But since my “aha” moment, it’s been constant. Is there a pill I can take to go back to an hour before that?

Now, I’m back to being a girl….here’s the possibly useful information for you Viagr@ people at Pfizer Pharmaceutical. Prescribe it to us girls, print in your info to give it to our guys 1 hour prior to us wanting to have sex. It could even be used for foreplay.

There’s an idea.

******IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER FOR ALL OF HUBBY’S FRIENDS WHO READ THIS******

So not a problem here. I still have to fight him off with a stick, (sorry) not that I would though, cuz he’s a stud. Right honey?

Another side note on the possible side effects of Vi@gra

“Trouble telling blue and green apart” REALLY? Do you want to take a chance with that?
Loss of sight or hearing or death. “Most of these happened in men who already had heart problems” and probably lied to their doctor.

ps I ran this by hubby as it involved Viagr@, he noted that if that were a problem, and he had to choose between blue and green differentian and sex. He’d take his chances with blue and green becoming a muddled mess. Just so ya know.

Lots of bread, this is only the half of it….and steaks, (no picture, but meat is meat, unless it’s murder like I see on the tshirts all the kids are wearing and if any cows happen to be reading this, it might be disturbing for them to see their kin, so no picture)

Then, like we had any room, we had CAKE…..

This is Princess’s Doggy Cake with Dark Curly Hair, yes I know, it’s AWESOME. And if you want to discuss disturbing, it was seeing the dismembered doggy spread out on our buffet for all to enjoy, but I digress.

MORE CAKE

Oops and now you know Felpsy’s real name too. But yes, that is a cake, and it is a light saber and WOW, IT WAS AWESOME!

AND EVEN MORE CAKE

This was Boog’s cake, it was Diego on one side, Spiderman on the other and it was “on fire” as requested. It was my favorite, it was lemon with buttercream, YUM!

I would say you can’t buy that kind of cake, but you will be able to and soon, but only locally, so this only applies to three of you, and two of them are us….anyway

Back to the reason I had to get up at God awful early this rainy Saturday morning. There was a walk for a local school, where one of the band members from our church sends his son. Joey the dad, is Awesome! And to say that guy can play guitar, would not do what he does with a guitar justice. He should be a rockstar. But I’m glad he chooses to bless our church week in and week out with his talent. Anyway, fundraising walk this morning. It was raining. I was detoxing from carbs, sleep would not let me go. But I said screw sleep, Joey blesses our family so dang much, we’re going. And we did. And it rained. And it was great. I know in no way does our little sacrifice of a couple hours of sleep compare with what he does, and what his wife does by sharing him with throngs of people every week, but I hope he knows that he does indeed bless us. And I hope that they raised a whole boat load of cash for the school.

I gathered the necessary treat and not one, but two incendiary devices as we do live in the windy city by the sea, I figured I’d be safe and at least one would light. I snuck out the back patio door and failed not once, but twice to make fire. I returned to the matchbox and took the whole thing this time, I will not be denied…..back out the patio door, success. I enjoyed my little treat and tried to come back in. I say tried because there seemed to have been a door malfunction sometime in the last two minutes. Sure enough, a confiscated sword had fallen into the tracks, the door was not moving. (Keep that in mind next time we go on vacation) Our backyard is secured to maximum security prison standards, and my phone, not in my pocket.

I was forced to knock on the door in the living room. Where the kids had been forbidden to leave their couches. Haha karma. You’re so funny.

Lists don’t work for me. For one, I can never remember where I put the list. For two, I am a rule breaker. The “Shoplifting is a crime” signs only serve as a reminder that “I could steal this”. I never have, stealing isn’t in my bag of evil goodies. If they want to be more effective, just remind me to put it on your high interest credit card by offering me a free orphan with every credit card purchase, be sure to picture said pathetic orphan, it would get me every time. If I put something on a list, it’s like I have to not do it, I’m a rebel. Just go and look in old posts for lists I’ve already made….

Also, I would need more specific list activity. If it were simply to say “me” on my list, I still wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Nails, hair, lunch with a friend. Me, is simply too ambiguous for me. Of course, who needs reminded to get their nails and hair done, or to call a friend for lunch? I need to be reminded to clean the kids bathroom. I’m never in there, never interested in going in there, assuming someone else is taking pride in said bathroom and keeping up with it. They’re not. Those are the things I need to be reminded of, not “shopping for new shoes”.

So, I guess I lied.

Originally posted Thursday, December 27, 2007

…maybe I’m a bitch

Maybe I am, but sometimes people are stupid. Today I took my nearly fifteen year old to get his eyes checked. Last week when I made the appointment I asked if there would be any paperwork for me to sign. I also made an appointment for my seventten year old.
She went on Friday with no problem, and I needn’t sign anything.

Today as I dropped the boy off I asked again about needing to sign anything. Nope. He was waiting in the car with the three three year olds. I sent him in and went to the bank. About the time I sent the vacutube through, my phone rings, I need to sign something before they can see him. So back I go.

Please send out anything I need to sign, I requested very nicely, as I have three three year olds. They sent out one page. Signed and off to another errand.

This time I got about a mile away, they called. More stuff to sign. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE THAT I NEED TO SIGN? Don’t make me bring in my babies, cause I’ll do it.

As you might guess, midway through my Sonic order my phone rings. We need your signature, he’s a minor, “usually parents stay with their children”. OK you want me there, I’m coming.

Me and the three and my gallon of Sonic go in to sign yet another paper. It only took about five minutes for someone to inform me that they could call me when my son was finished. I looked up briefly from my pda and told her “usually parents stay with their children”.