I learned that the first person to survive going over the falls in a barrel was none other than an Annie.

Not only did she do something no man had ever done, she looked sharp doing it.  Now I doubt that this is the dress she wore, but come on….stunning.

We share more than a name.  After her daring stunt she was reported to have said that she would rather stand in front of a cannon and let it blow her to pieces than go over the falls again.  Which is how I feel about foster care.

I used to liken foster care to Chinese Water Torture, and if you saw the Myth Busters episode on water torture you know how quickly in can stress out people, even in a controlled environment.  Now, I’m adding Chinese Water Torture, while simultaneously being eaten by 42 fire ants.  It’s stressful.  It’s annoying.  It hurts.  But it doesn’t kill you.

As if four years and seven months hasn’t been long enough, we were given a window of four to eight additional months.  CPS can complete an adoption in “about four months” but “with Christmas coming…” because as you all know, Christmas is four months long.  Then it’s spring break, and Easter, and then Arbor Day, and “Talk Like a Pirate Day” and before you know it, Christmas is coming again.

Yes, I am with agency that is supposed to help.  Haven’t seen them since May.  They are still raking in the per diem and siphoning off a chunk before forwarding it to me, but I haven’t seen them.  I get annoyed at them asking me how the case is going.

CPS is useless.  Mama signed her rights over to us.  The Department retained their rights they were granted in 2006.  All CPS has to do is sign a waiver of their rights to the children and we’re done.  But they want it “done right”.  Yes, let’s ignore the law for 4.5 years and then in the final hour grow a freakin sense of ethics.

We should totally hire an attorney to help us with this.  Yes, we have and the only thing she has done is cash our checks and add another level of stress to our lives.  We hired this particular attorney because she was willing to travel to the jurisdiction where our case is heard.  Several other attorney’s declined to do so.  So, until we find another attorney willing to take our case we are either stuck with no or poor representation.

I will save you the platitudes about how foster care is a beautiful thing.  How it gave me my family.  How it changed me as a person.  Right now it’s driving me insane.

One.

Drip.

At.

A.

Time.

While simultaneously eating away at my very being.

No clue to case had been kicked to a different court.  No clue that there is a different date already scheduled.  No clue what that date is.  No clue as to whose responsibility it is to sign off on the position the department holds on the children.

I so freakin hope she tries to charge us for all the paperwork that she has filed with the old court on a case that no longer resides there.  To top it off a tiny bit, the County Attorney that was dealing with our attorney on this matter didn’t inform her that she was not longer the attorney assigned to the case, since the case she was working on (the termination) was closed and the adoption is a new case and not her department.

Did I mention that I’ve already booked our Christmas vacation?  Under the childrens “to be known as” names.  Because up until an hour ago, Monday was a done deal.  Did I mention that we don’t have permission to take the kids out of state and that the last time we attempted to get permission to take the kids out of state, it took them seven months to approve our request?

So are we supposed to ever get these kids?  If not, please take them now, this is fucking torture.

June is here, menus have been planned.  Lists have been made.  Laundry has been done.  Chores have been assigned.  Activities have been planned. Desks have been cleared. Vacation is booked. Vacation is paid for.

Bad News…..

June is a stick in the mud.  She hates blogging, and in general hates people.

Good News….

Tomorrow is Friday!

Bad News….

Fall Festivals, Trick or Treating, Candy. Candy. Candy.

Good News…..

Fall back.

Bad News….

Spring forward.

Good News….

Payday.  Bills paid. Budget works.

There is no bad to that.

Good News….

If all goes well we will be adopting the kids on Friday.

Bad News…

We have not heard from CPS.  We have not heard from our attorney.  Our paralegal has been trying to get us to commit to a parenting plan with Mama, even though we had a meeting in far far away where this very thing was discussed and our attorney told us not to commit to anything rather work it out amongst ourselves like big girls.  If we go down there and there are particulars regarding the parenting plan that we don’t agree on, it will be a wasted trip, because we won’t adopt kids with a plan that we don’t agree with.  This whole thing sucks.  Sucks much. Instead of celebrating the addition to our family.  We are ironing out particulars and the whole thing just sucks.  And it has sucked the joy out of the whole event.

Good News…

On Monday there might be pictures.  Woot!

This paper has long been rumored to have the power to turn furry little kittens into hairless wrinkled alien kittens. The sky would turn dark and puppies would die.

But no one can tell me what it means.

Maybe some of you Twitter attorneys (hookers) could help me out.

“IT IS ORDERED that ANNIE and ‘DADDY AWESOME’ are:
Appointed Temporary Joint Managing Conservators of the children:”

The words mean that for a limited time, we share custody with CPS.  – That’s what everyone keeps telling me, like I couldn’t figure that out myself (or use the Google).

Our agency doesn’t know what it means.  They can’t tell me if we are still in foster care.

CPS wasn’t even aware that it had happened.  EVEN THOUGH THEY SIGNED IT.

When this idea was batted around in May – we were advised by everyone that the kids would lose their Medicaid.  Which is fine (preferred) with us, we can get them on the Daddy Awesome work plan (meet our deductible that much faster).  Yet, there is a little box on the insurance application;

Medicaid Eligible?

We don’t know, and no one can tell us.  Yes, I called Medicaid.  They are active for the month of August.  Really?  I didn’t know that, it’s not like I HAVE A CARD.

Will they be active in September?  I DON’T KNOW – WAIT AND SEE IF YOU GET A CARD.

REALLY?

But, Medicaid people, if they are not covered by Medicaid, I need to get them on my insurance.  I have 30 days after this “life event” to do so.

Did I forget to tell you, that they granted us this TWO WEEKS AGO.  Yeah, it’s not like it affects you or anything.

Again, I remind you CPS WAS UNAWARE.

Medicaid keeps reminding me that they are covered for this month.

CAN YOU LOOK AT A FREAKIN CALENDAR?  THIS MONTH IS OVER IN FIVE DAYS.    What happens on September 1?  Waiting to see if I “get a card” is not an option.  Also, if they ARE covered in September, will they be covered in October?  If so, not under foster care, not under post adoptive services, what’s the in limbo division?

Whatever, our medical issues will be the least of our problems, we are scheduled to meet our attorney at the court house in the town in which Mama lives tomorrow.  It’s three hours away.  We are meeting the attorney AND the paralegal.  Goodbye $325/hour – (three hours there, three hours back) Does anyone in Texas need any legal advice?  You know we’ll be getting our monies worth with 500 questions, we can throw in one for you.

You better get on the phone with your Representatives, or you will be dealing with this in your future.  And worse yet, someone might actually be sick.

Hello????

Weren’t we going to file joint managing conservatorship?  That’s our big plan.  Now we are back to waiting for the state to do their job?  Our problem a couple of weeks ago wasn’t the conservatorship filing, but rather, not being notified that you were filing something life altering on our behalf that we had previously dismissed as a possibility because YOU advised against it.   So, there we were, talking to your paralegal who can’t tell us anything, wondering why we were filing something you had advised against.  That’s the question on the table.

Now, we are waiting for termination again?  I’m confused.

I called CPS – who was under the impression that they were going to file on Friday.  Yes, going to and did are two very different things.  Still waiting for confirmation there.  Yes, luckily my phone goes with me and I’m not sitting in the phone chair like they did 100 years ago.

We didn’t respond to the three sentence email.  Why bother, apparently they don’t get read.

PART TWO – which has little to do with PART ONE

Now, I’m getting stalker called.  Not the attorney.  Mama.  Eleven phone calls in roughly 30 minutes.  This is definitely the best job ever.   Cease and desist does not mean anything to some people.

• 7:03 p.m.  # from that area code – no message
• 7:18 p.m.  same #
• 7:21 p.m. Private number
• 7:23 p.m. original #
• Voicemail message with no message
• Voicemail – message with no message
• 7:24 p.m. original #
• Voicemail – message with people talking in the background no actual message – timed out
• 7:30 Private number
• 7:36 p.m.  original #
• Voicemail – Mrs Awesome this is Mama I need you to call me so I can talk to my kids.

Would it be wrong of me to want to respond, your kids don’t live here, mine do…. Yeah probably.

Yes, I know.  I cannot imagine someone else raising my kids.  Especially if it “wasn’t my choice”  well, you know what?  It was your choice.  Every class you didn’t attend, every court date you didn’t appear for, every counseling session you blew off, every home study you rescheduled or avoided.  You chose.  You may not have gotten to choose that they came to me, but this is where they ended up in the middle of a warm February night.   And you are lucky.

Mama, you know what OUR daughter asked me today?  She asked if she cried when you gave her to me.  She asked if you did.  She asked if I was going to give her away.  She said she’s going to be a good mom so she doesn’t have to give her babies away.

She’s four people.  Shouldn’t four year old girls be worried about something less significant, like whether or not she’s going to get cherry Kool Aid rather than orange, because cherry is so much better.  Or why Barbie knock off clothing doesn’t fit Barbie.  Those are the things four year-olds should be worried about.

Again with the stalker calling….

You know it’s bad when you can get completely pissed in one 160 character message.

Our agency is not going to update our home-study.  Not their problem.  They’ll be happy to keep cashing the checks, and issuing citations.  Citations they wouldn’t have to issue if they’d just do the damn home-study.  But again.  “Not my department.”

I’d really like to know whose department it is.  It’s not our agency’s, it’s not CPS’s.  Our worker is trying, but is also getting resistance.  Of course since “this never happens” no one knows what to do when it does.  Our paralegal can’t tell us what anything legal means, but our attorney is never there.  No one can tell us what we’ll need to go to finalization, because again, “this never happens” and it’s not their problem.

So, Rip is coming over, I’m going to sleep for twenty years.  Somebody wake me when this is over.

…if it’s your department.

Unbelievable.

Last Friday I announced that our attorney had informed us that the County Attorney would be filing a case for terminating the parental rights of our foster children.  After four years and four months, this was welcomed news.

What she didn’t mention….

was that she was also working on filing a Joint Managing Conservatorship on our behalf.  I accidentally found this out today when our paralegal mentioned that the “managing conservatorship should be filed by the end of the day, we’re just waiting for a signature”

WE THROW FRISBEES????

Are you kidding me?  We had previously discussed getting Managing Conservatorship in May, but had dismissed that idea because the CPS finally looked to be going somewhere.

Now, this is not to say that we wouldn’t be fine with JMC.  It might actually move things along.  It just didn’t need to happen TODAY.

JMC would allow us to sue both CPS and Mama to terminate their rights to the children and allow us to be the Sole Managing Conservator, and allowing us to adopt the kids.  Great news.  We would love nothing more.

However….

There are some things that need to happen before we file for termination.  We need to have an updated Homestudy.  Ours might as well be yours as accurate as it isn’t.  For one thing, both of our fathers, who are alive, are listed as dead in our Homestudy.  This is a very provable fact that was completely missed.  You can imagine how the nuances might come into question if the FACTS aren’t correct.  So, that needs to be updated.

We also need to have the kids heads shrank to see if they are on board with this next chapter of their lives.  They need “pre-termination psychologicals” some expert needs to decide that they believe us to be their parents and that they have no hidden feelings about their relationship with Mama.  THEY ARE FOUR AND FIVE.  Princess proudly announced her great parenting skills and showed me her baby that she’d taped into a box earlier.  Do you really think that it is necessary for her to sign off on her own adoption?  I don’t think she really knows what’s going on.  Sure she can explain that all babies come out of somebody’s tummy, and sometimes they live with their tummy mommy and sometimes they live with another mommy.  She knows she didn’t come out of my tummy.   I don’t know what else they will be able to ascertain, but we need three psychologicals performed before we can file termination.

We were informed yesterday.  We can’t get an appointment until the end of August.  It will take three weeks to complete them.  This puts us mid-September before we can file for termination.

Why did JMC need to be filed TODAY?

Joint Managing Conservatorship will take the kids out of foster care.  YAY!!!! We dream of that day.  But, since we cannot even file for at least six more weeks they don’t need to come out of foster care today.

It’s not about the money.  Per se.  But as long as I have to follow the fostering rules, foster care is sending me a reimbursement check.

If we get our ducks in a row, ie homestudy and psychs, before CPS actually files for termination on their own, we’ll go ahead and file that JMC suit.

And then we’ll wait.

Again.

or

Still.

Until then, I want my twenty bucks a day.

on MONDAY!!!!!

I don’t recommend you hold your breath, but crossed fingers would be acceptable and appreciated.  Court will be scheduled when they file, so we should hear Monday sometime this year, when it will be.  They have to give 45 days notice and “anticipate” scheduling it as soon after the 45 day deadline as possible.

Good news is that it looks like we’ll be parents this year.

Like I said, this depends on people doing what they have promised to do, which is why I discouraged the holding of your breath.

I know, shocking! But breathe slowly and deeply, you’ll get over it.

As you recall from yesterday, Mama has been stalker calling.  Several years ago, in an attempt to form a relationship with the mother of my children, I agreed to let her call.  I’m OK with that, and feel it would be beneficial for the kids to know all of their family.

I still feel that way.

That’s not to say that poor behavior shouldn’t be consequenced.  A couple of days ago, Mama stalker called me, then reported me to CPS for not answering her calls.  I had answered some of the calls, I had even returned her calls.  Instead of talking to me, Mama was either silent or pretended she didn’t understand English.  Annoying, because I have caller ID, I know it’s you.

So?  Consequence.

My original placement papers say that I am to have no contact, or allow no contact with the birth family that is not directly supervised by CPS.  There you go.  Unless, CPS is monitoring her on the phone from their office, no calls.

If she would like to negotiate phone calls in her open adoption agreement that we have offered.  Great.  We’ll talk.  Until then, we won’t.  If you don’t like it, drag me into court.  Please, drag me into court.  Give me my freakin’ day in court.

OK, I exaggerated a bit.  We joined the case on the 22nd at 5:00 p.m. Central Time.  At which time we instructed our attorney to send the letter.   It took a week to write this….

Dear Mama:

I represent Mr. and Mrs. Awesome, the foster parents of Felpsy, Princess and Booger.  As you know the Awesomes have provided a loving, secure home for the children since they have been in their care.

They fully understand the problems you face that leave you unable to care and provide for the children.  Fortunately, the children are happy, healthy and well adjusted.  The Awesomes love the children very much and would like to make them a permanent part of their family through adoption.

I know your primary concern is for your childrens’ well being.  I think the Awesomes have shown you over the last four years the type of parents they are and will continue to be for the children.

I would like to propose that you voluntarily terminate your parental rights and that we negotiate the terms of an open adoption that would allow you to see the children in the future.  Please give me a call so we can discuss this matter.  Our toll free phone number is 1-800-alright already.

And so, it is out there in the universe.  Just waiting for a response.  If all else fails, we can wait some more on the state.  They scheduled court for late October.  If things go “as planned” we would be able to finalize the adoption in no less than ten months from now.  I hope Mama responds to the letter.  I do not want to put up with the foster care crap for another ten months.

I’m seriously considering not turning in anymore paperwork. Not attending any more training.  Letting them in once a month to make sure I haven’t sold the kids and then telling them to throw a frisbee the rest of the time.  Let them take me to court.  Let them answer as to why the heck the kids have been in care for four years.  Why their siblings are coming up on five years in care.  They ain’t taking the kids, we’re legally attached now, of course they could argue that us letting our license lapse would be just cause, I think a reasonable judge might hold their feet to the fire a bit.  I’m just sick of it all.

I hate every aspect of my job.  I think it affects my parenting.  Not positively.  I question the doctor as to the necessity of three separate medications multiple times a day, but I’m more worried about the boat load of paperwork that amount of medicine would generate, not the long term affects on the child.  Oh, I’m worried about the affects on the child, but my primary concern is to get out of the visit with as little EXTRA work as possible.  Especially when I’m dealing with sick kids who are already zapping it out of me.

I probably won’t stop doing the right thing.  Because I do the right thing. But I really don’t want to anymore.