annieology

Every week the President addresses the nation via radio.  Allegedly.  Has anyone ever heard this address?  I only hear a snippet in the hourly news bumps on Saturday.  Maybe I don’t live close enough to Washington, seems like middle America doesn’t much care.  That will change when I’m President.

Yes, I’m still fake running for President, although Hubby pointed out that the blog might have to go once I am.  People will know where we live.   Although it would be nice to look out  and see Hubby playing disc golf on the front lawn.  Picking fresh produce from the Obama garden, cared for by school children.

Do you think I’d get to bring my housekeeper?

I’m assuming He Chef and She Chef would come along.

And Shanda Cakes will be world famous and she’ll be like, “I only make one cake a week and it’s $10,000″, and people will be lined up to pay that.

Did you know I’d have to pay for my own housekeeper and chef?  And personal shopper?  I know you got to draw the line somewhere, but I’m not able to go and buy toothpaste, I’m the freaking President.

Do you think TLC will be interested in making a reality show? That should offset the super low salary.  Seriously, $400,000 doesn’t go as far as it used to.  And if Jon & Kate can make $60,000/show for 25 shows/year that’s almost four times the Presidential salary.  Something is not right here.

Maybe we’ll take in more foster kids.  CPS will be going over the White House guest list wondering why the President of France doesn’t have a CPR certification on file.

It’s going to be awesome.

Except not.

You know CNN is going to have a graph that speculates my monthly cycle based on bomb droppings and whether or not I look puffy.  And everyone will be wondering I wear my Lucky Brand Jeans to the office, and I’ll be like “have you not seen my ass in these jeans?”  Then they’ll say mean things like, “when did Ellie Mae get elected?”

People are mean.

Back to being awesome.

Speaking of awesome.  Love of my life is taking the proverbial bullet today and attending the super long,  super boring foster training today.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  You will make an awesome First Guy.

It is my understanding that the President addressed the nation tonight.  I mean, the joint sessions of Congress and it was televised.  I wouldn’t know.  I was elsewhere, and besides the super deluxe TV is broken.  I know, it’s not very civic minded of me to miss such an important event in our nations history.  This is going to rank up there with Social Security and Medicaid if the talking points they’ve been repeating on the news bumps every half hour are any indication.

That’s right, I have heard Obama say that Roosevelt was accused of being a Socialist when he wanted national Social Security.    You know our forefathers who fought against Social Security hated old people.  We are living 70 years into that future, and I think we can all agree that Social Security is indeed a blessing to our grandparents, parents, and God help me if I’m not excited about the possibility of getting it in the future.  I think of it like playing the lottery.  I put money in and should someday I get money out, it’ll be free money.  Except I don’t play the lottery.  Bad odds and all.

Also?  Social Security is broke.  We as a nation have resolved ourselves to the probability that it won’t be there when we need it.

Those who don’t learn from history are destined to repeat it.  Health Care may work for this generation.  Maybe.  But what does it look like in 70 years.  Social Security?  Worse?  I don’t know.

That wasn’t my concern tonight.

Tonight, I was needed elsewhere.

Shanda made cake.

And God wanted me there to eat it.

Now there were other things that needed to be done, like talk to people about adoption, and sign up to do event planning.  Oh and adopt my Canadian friend so we can go on The Amazing Race and wear our annieology tees.  Actual important things that will make my life better.  Plus my Canadian friend is a nurse and when I’m her mama I can make her fix me as part of her chores.  Whatever, it’s my blog, I can make my fake adopted non kid from Canada do anything I want.

I won’t need to worry about social security, I have six kids,  seven if you count Canada.  So they have to take care of me when I get old because I do not feel very secure with the “public option” on my retirement.   I’m writing that into the adoption plan.

Wednesday night was God’s way of telling me that I don’t need to concern myself with all that is happening in Washington.  He’s in charge everywhere.  Even there.  What is going to make a real difference in my life is spending time with real people.   With friends that I love.  Helping people who are actually hurting right now.

What do I care about health care anymore?  I’m adopting a nurse.

I grew up in a town where my family was half the population.  Diversity to us was hair color.  We were white as a Minnesota winter.  I was probably the most left leaning person in the tiny town, and for those of you who know me, left and I do not really go together.  I did not have to work super hard on finding like minded people who would engage in heated debates about exactly how cool Ronald Reagan was.

Then I grew up and moved away to Hippyville U.S.A. and spent ten years thinking it was such a progressive town full of diversity and whatnot.  For goodness sake, we were bringing our own bags to the grocery store, before the grocery stores were smart enough to sell them to us.  That’s how forward thinking we were.

So here I am in another city, and not that it matters, I’ve got the whole world at my fingertips.  (btw – I would like to welcome Jacksonville, Florida to the readership – HI!)  But here I am in a new place where I am surrounded with people who are nothing like me.

I love it.  I am happy.  Things are great.

As long as I don’t engage in any media.  No one is nice in media.  Apparently, if we disagree on anything I must hate you.  YOU are so obviously wrong in your thinking.  I know this because I am always right, just ask my husband.  Always.  No, actually even he doesn’t agree with everything I say.  I’ve tried hating him, it wasn’t much fun.  Truth be told, it’s not really fun hating any of you either.  Even those of you who watch Oprah or The Office, or vote for people I don’t.

Over the years I’ve become so progressive in my thinking that I’ve come to realize that it’s not the people, per se, that I hate. It’s more the self appointed spokesperson for the group.  For example, I love being a woman.  It’s just the talking heads that make me cringe in a corner.  I remember about 10 or so years ago there was a study that was released that proved in that scientific way that studies do, that men could complete mazes faster than women could.  Oh my goodness, you’d think they had taken away our right to vote.  All these spokeswomen came out saying “girls aren’t stupid” or some equally lame argument.  I should have started blogging right then and there.

That actually would have been a great time for blogging.  There was this lady I worked with.  Dumb.  Dumb to the level of hilarity.  I always have wondered who she caught in what compromising position to get that job.  Anyway….

All that to say, if you don’t judge me by what is said on talk radio, I won’t believe that you are up to everything they say you are.