It Is Not Excessive To Want To Be Better Than Everyone Else
My counselor, whom I have been seeing since I left my husband, is giving me advice regarding how I am coping with this loss in my life.
Now, she says it’s not advice because she gives it in the form of a question….
“Annie, do you think drinking alone every night is a good way to deal with your …”
Um, yeah I DO. Which was why I did it for like two weeks. Now, I only drink with people, because as we all know our friends would never ever let us make bad decisions while we are drunk. For example. See high school.
“Annie, do you think excessive exercise is a good way to deal?”
UM, define “excessive” because I think you and I may have different definitions. I mean, there are people who do not exercise who might die after ten minutes of anything. I can run for hours and still want to do a handstand at the end. I didn’t get there from doing 30 minutes of cardio twice a week.
Yes, I do yoga in the morning, pushups all day, run as many days as I can, if I’m not doing anything else, what is wrong with working out instead of watching the morbidly obese get yelled at on the Biggest Loser?
Yes, I can do a handstand unassisted. Yes, I can do yoga things that require a picture and a three paragraph tutorial. And you all know about the pushups. I do not feel that it’s excessive to want to be better than everyone else.
People who want great things sometimes have to give up good things to get them. What is wrong with that?
I was questioning this rationale earlier. She advised me to sit and do nothing for thirty minutes a day. No Tweeting, no exercise, not even stretching. Just lie there.
Can someone kill me?
Do you know how much of my life has been spent just lying around? I am now at a place where I can get by on 4 hours of sleep, I eat amazing food. My energy has energy. (and people who knew me when are like, Really? ) I love nothing more than trying something new and feeling like a train ran me over for the next three days. I bounce out of bed at 6 and hardly stop until I fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow at 2 or sometimes 3.
Yes, but Annie, someday you will get tired.
OK, that day, I will sleep. I check my heart rate every morning. It’s at least 15 bpm lower than “average” for a woman. On days it is normal, I take it easy. In the past year, I have been sick only once or twice, and still managed to run a half marathon with a sinus infection.
I tried really hard to sit still for half an hour today. I ended up sleeping until 11. Which has driven me crazy all day. I was supposed to “take it easy” on the running because…..
A month ago I went to the doctor to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong with my wonky hip. Doctor “guessed” it was blah blah blah and told me to sit on my ass and hope it got better. I did not like this plan. I had been running a minimum of a 5K/day. My hip, feels wonky, but not painful. In October it was PAINFUL after 7 miles, now just wonky. December my wonky hip gave me 10 miles. If YOU, the doctor, doesn’t know if there is anything really wrong with it, I’m going to use my best judgment and probably run anyway.
My counselor questioned my reasoning. If a DOCTOR tells you not to run, don’t you think you should listen to him? Well, if the doctor knows whats wrong, then yes. Had he x-rayed me and said I had a broken hip, then sure, I’ll stop running. But he was “guessing” and if I didn’t get better I should come back, pay more money for another guess?
So, I did not listen to the doctor who went to medical school. I listened to Annie who has gone to Annie school. Annie school says, “stop letting other people tell you what to do. You know Annie better than anyone else knows Annie. Go with that.”
And I did. I ran a really good half marathon for someone who was supposed to sit it out. And I felt amazing.
Although, after I slept all freakin day today, I questioned….Maybe I am tired. Maybe I do need to “take it easy”.
Then I ran. I ran awesomely. I was all like “baby you’re a firework. Boom boom boom”. Freakin rock star. No! I will not stop running. I will not take it easy.
I am a runner.
It’s what I do.
If I can arrange my life to fit in a run of 40 minutes to 4 hours, then shut up. I did what I do on all my runs. I therapize myself.
You love running. Why would you take it easy? Because someone who doesn’t understand running told me to????? That’s stupid. Yes, yes it is.
So, whether you are a doctor or a counselor or a boyfriend or a friend friend. You don’t get to tell me what to do. You can advise me in the form of a question if you’d like. But don’t tell me I need to sit this one out. I’m not going to. I’m not going to slow down or take it easy anything else just because you say so. I am not going to edit myself on Twitter because I “might” cost me clients. There are enough people who LOVE authenticity that are willing to pay me so they can look like I look. I know this in places I didn’t know I had. When companies ask me for my website, and Twitter handle, they get pointed to annieology. If they don’t want to hire me because I said “phuck” today, then it’s better for the both of us, because I’m going to say “phuck” again tomorrow.
Will I miss out on good things? Yes, but I will not have to compromise to do so.