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Power and Control – The Dance of Submission

By annie

*sex and stuff (disclaimer)



This ^^^ has blown my mind. This, is a “level up” for me in understanding. I have always been needy. Always been attracted to controlling men.

“You can’t be powerful, without someone to submit to that power. You can overpower a weaker person without consent, but that’s tyranny and hollow and poor.”

This world teaches me, especially as a woman, that submission is bad. That you can’t relinquish control, without being controlled. The Bible tells us that wives should submit to their husbands, and then the world parades in front of us the cults where women who submit are nothing more to the men in their lives than breeding stock.

In my lack of understanding, I condensed a dom/sub relationship to that of the beater and the beaten. As is often the case, this relationship has little to do with what happens in the bedroom.

I love powerful men. I am drawn to them. In my misunderstanding, I have often confused  ”powerful” with “controlling”.  With this new understanding, I can see the difference like night and day.

A true dom has no more desire to be controlling than a true sub has the desire to be controlled.

I am a sub, but don’t try hitting me, you’ll get your balls handed to you. My role as a sub is not to be a “beck and call girl”. My role is not to let a man control me. My role is to find a powerful dom, and then cultivate that power. It is for me to find one that I can trust with my very life, and then with full acknowledgement and understanding, hand my life over to him.  My role is not to be weak, my role is to be strong, and to make him stronger. My role is not to be boundaryless, but to know my boundaries and let him explore them.

This is a lot of pressure to put on a dom. For him to know that I am trusting him with my life.  One may be drawn to the thought that his decisions will not be challenged. Questioned, maybe, but never challenged.  When you hand that type of power over, willingly, it becomes a great responsibility, and a powerful man understands and appreciates this.

There are women in my life who will no doubt want to text me and ask if I have lost my ever lovin’ mind. That this sets us womenfolk back a hundred years, “does he get your vote too?” I can hear them now. We can agree to disagree. I have no desire to be a man wrapped in the cloak of femininity.  As I have grown into this woman that I am, I love her, and want to become more of her. It’s not that I want to give up my brain, my judgment, my anything. It’s that I want to rest in the sacred place where power protects me. A place where my strengths build his power, and in a relationship where the fight is out there, and not with each other.


Filed in: annieology, Weekend • Monday, March 24th, 2014


I love you.


annieology Reply:

I love you!



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Annie is all things awesome. Singer of songs, thinker of thoughts, runner of miles. When she isn't getting paid to kick ass as a personal trainer and health coach, she's looking for her keys.