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The Mathematics of Coincidence

By annie

When traveling at 55 miles per hour, the length of your car is only occupying the space of the width of another car for 1/10th of one second.  Which means if you are broadsided in an intersection at 55 miles per hour it happens in 1/10th of a second.  Half a second *more quickly, (wow even my autocorrect won’t let me move on) or later, and you miss each other completely.  If anything in your day changes that day. We miss each other.

If only you knew how hard I tried to avoid you that day. How I was late. How my customers were late. How I had to wait for a fucking train like it was 1890. (you have no idea what I’m talking about, I know. But I know, and it’s a fucking miracle)

I’ve stopped believing in coincidences.

If I run into you. It was meant to be.

I know I get one chance at this.

I am fucking afraid.

I will not interfere with your life. I have learned that horrible lesson. I totally understand why it happened the way it happened, and the experience grew me in every way.

I miss you every day. At 5:55 and 11:11 and 12:34 and every fucking moment in between.  But I’ve done some things that I can’t wait to tell you about. I have my shit together. Like REALLY. Not hopes and dreams about someday, but I’m killing it in life.

All I want to say right now is that my door is always open to you. I am sorry for losing sight of us. I’m sorry that I let anger rule my life. I’m sorry for my part in the end of us.

I don’t know what happened in April, but something shifted in the universe and we are aligned again. You may not feel it the way I do. And maybe it’s just so I can say goodbye.

But please for the love of all the baby yodas, if you are open to this, find your way back to me.  For real this time.

This may just be the scene in City Slickers where Billy Crystal tells the old guy “she could have been the love of your life” and he said “she is”.

You are. And I may never cross paths with you again.  But you are the love of my life. Even if you never know it.

Filed in: annieology • Saturday, July 3rd, 2021

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Annie is all things awesome. Singer of songs, thinker of thoughts, runner of miles. When she isn't getting paid to kick ass as a personal trainer and health coach, she's looking for her keys.