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This Is She. This Is Me.

By annie

Warning to small children and family members: Partial nudity ahead. Of me. My kids have seen it but you’ve been warned.

There is a painting that hangs in my bedroom. Over the years it has become part of the architecture and I don’t really notice it much anymore. Though when I do, I often wonder who that girl is. I commissioned a painting of myself when I was 40. Inspired by a collection of nudes I saw in a gallery.  They weren’t graphic or risque, just really beautiful paintings of women. They were beautiful, but they didn’t really mean anything to me. They were prints and therefore not unique.  I’m guessing that hundreds , maybe thousands of people have them hanging in their home somewhere. For a fraction of the cost I paid the internet to paint a similar one of me.

First of all, who commissions paintings of themselves anymore? Let alone nudes. I know of one person personally. Just me.

It wasn’t out of vanity. Or pride. Though I am proud of the body that is depicted in the painting. It is mine. It is me.

When I really look at the painting, I still feel exposed. I feel vulnerable. A woman who can expose herself like that must be at least a little brave. I don’t feel very brave. What you see in the painting is the result of thousands of pushups, hundreds of miles, some false bravado, and maybe a few cocktails.  That is a woman who takes care of herself so she can take care of others. While I may have regrets, she doesn’t. She knows she has always done what she could, and often what she couldn’t.

I want to be this strong. This brave. This alive. This proud.

I want to be who she is.

Back Painting

This is she. This is me.

Filed in: annieology • Friday, November 28th, 2014

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Annie is all things awesome. Singer of songs, thinker of thoughts, runner of miles. When she isn't getting paid to kick ass as a personal trainer and health coach, she's looking for her keys.